Ferret

Raconteur, Bon viveur & London's premier detecting consultant. Now available on Amazon:

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@thesundaysport What about orgies at dwarf funerals?

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@drhingram Now do duck rape gangs. This is serious BTW. I've seen it happen.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@thecoastguy I'll say it again: you can have net zero or AI, but not both.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

Hey @FlashForFreedom , good to see you back. Since you became a bolter, I've had to take fashion advice from @SartorialThug , and my style appears to have lost its gaiety. Perhaps you can suggest something appropriate for the month of June...

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@MsAshBash420 I once saw a marine with 41 smarties stuffed in his foreskin - and that was a Tuesday! He was the winner, btw. Dick looked like a mace.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@CemetaryBby Only if it comes with a tattooed, satanic mechanic.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@simpatico771 Plot twist: Ukraine doesn't have an elected president.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@DrClownPhD If you choose Jack Black, he'll sing at you.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@LeilaniDowding @sainsburys #BrownEggsMatter

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@sainsburys haven't you heard: #BrownEggsMatter

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@Mr_Trubshawe 😅 that's the one! You may take the rest of the day off.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@Rod__Mason @SimonForrest11 @Ed_Miliband You can have net zero or massive data centres for AI, but not both. Net zero is dead. Millipede hasn't yet got the memo, or if he has, he's too radicalised to take notice.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@A1an_M @simpleorganix I installed weapons-grade cages over 75% of the strawberry plot. Birds and squirrels have to squabble over the remainder, assuming I don't get there first. Fyi: deer treat sweetcorn the way birds treat strawberries. Delicate nibble, move on to the next. Lil bstards

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@thesundaysport They've replaced the good stuff with inedible palm oil laden crap.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@LuvEvelynClaire

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@Keir_Starmer Silence is better than insincerity.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@SartorialThug @DCMS Random Tuesday Hentai

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@melindiscott @joerichlaw The evidence suggests racism is worse than murder.

[Ferret @FerretFiles]

@CemetaryBby Still looking for the downside...