Jess Ten

past baby ~ present bumbling adult ~ future wine grandma

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

Still like to think about the time I accidentally wrote my rent check for $0.20 less than it was supposed to be. They sent me a letter in the mail to notify me. The stamp for that letter: $0.50.

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

Me to brain: Hey do you remember if recycling needs to go out this week?

Brain: Best I can do is give you the birthday of half the people you went to elementary school with

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

I had a stress dream last night and my brain's way of diffusing the tension was for @WhoseRyanStiles to show up playing a lute

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

So Bezos's wealth is partly tied up in assets, stocks and such, but the fact that, in theory, he could hand $20 to every human on earth and still be comfortably in the top 30 richest people in earth is mind boggling

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

My old boss that I haven't spoken to in 2 years just texted me congratulations cuz Tom Brady won another Superbowl

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

Really Kentucky, Kanye gets .2% of your votes?

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

The people typing the captions

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

Kinda surprised Trump hasn't suggested strapping Lysol cans to the Blue Angels as they fly over all the cities

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

Can we talk about how good @bing 's covid-19 tracker is?

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

I picked a bad time to genuinely run out of basic goods...

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

One qualm with @taylorswift13 's song "Lover": Apparently it's crazy to leave Christmas lights up till January - literally 6 days after Christmas...I mean, ya gotta give people a chance, it's cold man #FebruaryHasTheSameAmountOfSyllablesAndIsASlightlyMoreRealisticExpectation

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

Just got an ad for "Now 71" (the music CD)...I thought it was a joke/parody/meme....it wasn't

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

My stomach is up for a Grammy for "best haunted ship/most accurate birthing whale sound effects" #srslywtf

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

I still get a song stuck in my head that a guy in 5th grade performed for Penn Brook’s Got Talent #tweet #tweet #twiddleedidleedeet

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

@rickygervais After Life is a fucking masterpiece

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

I still don’t get planes, they just don’t seem possible....I get how wings create lift and stuff, I’ve seen the math - theoretically, it checks out...but my hearts just like “nah, man, metal don’t float”

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

Funny how suddenly no one is talking about how rigged the NFL is...🐸☕️

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

When the wind hits my house at a certain angle it whistles and sounds like R2-D2

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

There should be mini-libraries on planes

[Jess Ten @Ffejefrica]

Had to teach my electrical engineer, master degree having brother how to wrap a present so I’ve got that going for me which is nice