Fing Duck

Twitter Pervert. Author of several crap circles. Chronic masturbator. Pronouns are Lord, Darth, Master and I identify as a flamethrower.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

I tried to call off today and she's like is it because of Quiddich Champions and I'm like no I'm sick and she's like does Andy pandy puddin pie wanna pway wiff magic bwooms and I'm like I feel much better I'm coming in plus I'm going to kill you.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

A fat adaptation daddy. You have to go off sugar long enough for your body to run on fat. You'll feel better long term and no blood sugar spikes to deal with. What I told you is actually very true I'm not joking.

[Feelings ღ @anxietymsgs]

A rich man is called sugar daddy, what is a poor man called?

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

That is very true.

[Jessie @Jexxie]

The way guys flirt in 2026:

So, I have a house.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

Someone once told me that the best karma there is is to be on the path. You may get lost for a couple lifetimes here and there we all do but if you're on the path you'll get there. I like to think I'm waiting till the end to meet someone so they'll be like me and it'll be real.

[Jessie @Jexxie]

I am scared to die without ever being loved by another person.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

I said to this girl hey remember on our first date when we did anal and she's like you call that a date I practically had to bring my own food and I'm like very good you did a Mortal Kombat reversal and she's like I liked those better than the cameos and I'm like now I love you.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

I really hate boats. I have a fucking good time just driving cars around I don't need a boat I don't think it's funner and the expense and the inconvenience is all for something less fun than just driving a car around. I think I'd rather get on a skateboard and fall down.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

I was walking down a hallway with this girl talking normally when a group of suits walk by us and I said really loud I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE CRABS YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY PUBES and they all look at her and she smacks me and I'm like WHAT.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

In my case this is what happens when you're fucking wasted

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

I think this is the most amazing tweet I've ever read.

[Mistress Dividend @mistressdivy]

The bar is so insanely low that if you work out 3x a week and stop eating like a moron, you’ll end up looking and feeling superior to almost everyone you know

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

We all have a list

[Declaration of Memes @LibertyCappy]

Add one more to the no no list guys

🤣

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

Yesterday this hum drum type girl got on plenty of fish at 3:30 and by 7 she had 5 hook up requests and 3 dating requests and met at guy at midnight and he's really decent he wants something real and I'm just shaking my head I've been single for 8 years and I'm better than him

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

Speed on a record player. Make Iron Maiden sound like the chipmunks.

[Trumplicans2024.com @trumplicans2024]

??

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

One does not simply walk into Autozone there is evil there that does not sleep you cannot do this with 10,000 men you cannot do this it is folly.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

Anal sex through the devil's back door it's the rear entrance in the back it's reserved for people that go there.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

I'm homophobic that means I'm afraid of homosexuals because I'm cute with a hot ass and a suckable dick they want me they chase me they gotta have me so yeah I'm afraid.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

Jesus christ all of them they never shut the fuck up it's right there in Netflix I see it every time I turn the fucking thing on if I'm not watching it it's because I'm watching something else you fucker Jesus

[American Values 🇺🇸 @AVGirl4Life]

What’s yours?

[Headshok1962 @Headshok1962]

Modern day questions

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

I'm so sick and tired of hearing that Hollywood sucks the soul out of your body and leaves you with nothing I mean a job at McDonald's does that ALL jobs do that fucking deal with it.

[Fing Duck @FingDuck]

I wonder if movies drive cops nuts I mean everyone runs around with guns and just get away with shit in reality you coast through a stop sign you're caught.