ryan

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

*open weather app to induce vomiting

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

I’m going to be 40 in 15 years and that almost made me cry.

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

@chaneltdavis @AlyssaBullis Me all winter.

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

How do guys without vehicles have girlfriends? Like I didn’t have a car for four months and I didn’t get no pussy.

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

baby names today are so extra

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

Can we get 5 billion in funding to fix all these fucking potholes.

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

@ChocoMilkGod I gotchu fam

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

idk who needs to hear this rn but your flys undone.

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

@ChocoMilkGod 😂

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

Who the fuck actually uses the remote for their car stereo?

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

“I am so fucking cold, and I tan!!” - @AlyssaBullis

[Kansas City Chiefs @Chiefs]

"I thought for sure I was going to punt." - @dustincolquitt2 😂🤣

#WPMOYChallenge + Colquitt https://t.co/K67W7X6jFr

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

this is me all year

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

2018 did me dirty, but I had some fun. https://t.co/p159lyXLIx

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

@sadgrlsammy @AlyssaBullis i have never had secondhand embarrassment so bad.

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

@AlyssaBullis @sadgrlsammy One time she made this dude stop driving so he could connect her Bluetooth up for my chemical romance. 😭😂

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

@ChocoMilkGod The ole “i know what I’m doin.” 😂😭

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

this girls idea of a handjob was squeezing my dick like a stress ball.

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

@sadgrlsammy @calliejshea no guy has actually ever asked for a handjob, sam.

[ryan @FitzpatrickRy]

@calliejshea no its been ruined