@Chadjk99@TheFlatEartherr What churches ring bells anymore? My city’s churches stopped ringing them somewhere in the early 90s. It was a noticeable change, and even as a child I missed hearing them ringing out daily. I have lived in numerous cities in my country and there weren’t any bells anymore.
Think of a deep well. A kind person draws water for you every day—no complaint, no charge. But the well doesn't make water. It just holds what nature gives. If you keep drawing and never let it refill, one day the bucket comes up empty. The well didn't turn against you. It just ran dry. Their "cold anger" isn't punishment. It's the sound of an empty bucket hitting stone.
Your children, and basically everyone else, needs to feel that you like them.
Sure, you can love them in some abstract way. You can refrain from actively causing them harm, I suppose.
But unless they feel you actively enjoy their presence, that you want them, that they are a source of joy to you, that love will leave them untouched.
@truthshackbrah@JaneDoe87314372@MasterNumber Write her a letter. Say what you want and need to say — then do with it what you would find poignant: put it on her grave, have a bonfire and burn it, keep it, shred it, cut it into pieces and climb to an high point and let the piece go in the wind …
Sorry for your loss.
I have a close relationship with a Mormon and this describes what I experience when we attempt to talk about beliefs/God/spirituality/etc. They sont see too comfortable on these kinds of topics and they don’t say much but when they do, they sound like a church pamphlet and tend to conclude with, “I just know the church is true.” I don’t think they have spent spent time putting some thought towards what they have been told to believe their whole life … it is like their identity is built around this institution.
Daycare has been shown to harm attachments, especially for babies. Their mental health outcomes later in life are impacted.
Saying this out loud can get you fired.
Sometimes you gotta extend grace to people who grew up without guidance, without role models, without parents, without elders or without people who genuinely cared. For real. Some people really did raise themselves and don’t know what they don’t know until someone shows up and teaches them. Common sense to you might be brand new information to someone else. So please be kind to the people who ask questions or seem rather lost in life. You have no clue what they’ve already taught themselves.
There is no one easy answer—everyone’s journey starts at different points and in different ways.
For me, it began with being honest about my childhood and how it still impacts me today — most evident in my automatic reactions and behaviours, my attitudes, my thinking patterns and perception, my unchallenged beliefs (eg, I didn’t think my personal well being or happiness mattered; I believed love meant sacrificing my needs, and so on), my freeze and fawn responses, my isolation, I didn’t ask for help when I needed it, I didn’t deal with problems, my defensiveness, my people pleasing, my fear of intimacy, my deep fear of abandonment, etc., … it all had a negative impact on my life and relationships. I didn’t grow up in a loving, kind or safe home—so I’ve had to reparent myself. It’s a process, but so worth it. It’s a journey, not a destination.
Along the way, I learned how to like myself, be kind to myself, and let go of tying my worth to how others treat me, among other things.
Not many people stick with this journey—it takes real resolve to meet yourself honestly where you are—but for me, it’s been entirely worth it. I see reality more clearly than ever, I’m better able to live life on life’s terms, and I trust myself more deeply. That self-trust has made all the difference in calming my nervous system and not taking things so personally anymore.
And when you have some set backs and feel it is all pointless, keep persisting … I had may days like that, even if I could only muster one small thing, I did it … and got up and tried again the next day … I found some friends who were on a similar journey and began reaching out to them when my days seemed darker.
There is no map or check box … I figured it out as I went.
I hope this helps you somehow … 🩶