🥪Fortuna Salad Sandwich🥪

the retinol is working, I’m beautiful

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@falseroxy English breakfast tea and leftover birthday cake

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Tonight’s the night I stay up scrolling until 3:30am and find out my favorite local ice cream shop is pro-Israel. My punishment.

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Less than 30 seconds into The Golden Bachelor and we already got hearing aids and Cat Stevens.

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@ihatejoelkim Lean if it was a foot taller, or lean if it was on a tabletop. As is- hang!

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I think I’m going to try out being a « lmao » girlie the « haha » is getting a little dry

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Uh oh I accidentally listened to
The Chain while looking at the earth sparkling below during landing and now I have to get off the plane all weepy

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Reverse octomom where a kid just has 8 moms

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@small_jawn It’s so good

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@small_jawn I’d live in a church that was redone in a way that is respectful to the building. Like- this was built to help people see god and you dipped it in plastic and decorated it like an AI that was fed images of “cool modern decorating”

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Something so ugly about this

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@LilNdnPriya Yeah people are gonna look back at this in years and be pissed. It’s like whoever decorated this doesn’t understand what makes a church beautiful so they covered it in latex paint and put whatever modern furniture they were told is cool inside. Zero regard for patina.

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@small_jawn Ok perfect now you’ll get my favorite personal little joke I do for myself which is scream « OH MY GOD ITS DIIIIIIIIP » like Jessica rabbit whenever presented with a delicious dip to eat

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@small_jawn “elderly” lollllll

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I gotta say graham crackers are the best snack to buy and forget about for four months

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@small_jawn I used to go to a gym in Austin that removed part of their sign out front but you could still see the faded ghost of a sun-dyed « Lance Armstrong’s » above the « 24-hour fitness » that remained

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Just came across a cooking video where the top comment was someone saying “are y’all really out here eating off of real plates?” With like 7k likes and 100 comments agreeing that they only use paper plates. This absolutely blows my mind.

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Me when I feel hot: I can’t do anything, I’m ugly

Me when I can wear a sweater: Possibilities are endless, I’m beautiful

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I would relate a lot more to the What would you doOoO for a Klondike Bar jingle if it was about those little sesame balls filled with bean paste

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Dog equivalent of 👁️👄👁️ is ⚫️🕳️⚫️