Freeze The Comedian

Eagle Scout gone rogue. TikTok banned me for being topless. Now I tell jokes to strangers in Austin, TX

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

Moving to Austin within a month. Here’s a radio guest spot on @1075KZL of me proving I’m not crazy. Looking for open mics and cool people. #austincomedy #Standup #atx #killtony #comedian #standupcomedy

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@SenTomCotton I’m willing to bet everything that half of your constituents or more do want marijuana legalized.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@jimfarley98 I cant figure out how to direct message you but the context is on this reddit thread: https://t.co/o6MPbmYZuF

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@jimfarley98 hey Jim! I was suggested to tweet at you about a horrid dealership experience; including deceptive sales tactics. I tried to message you on LinkedIn first. I've escalated the case so Ford is aware of it. Let me know how I can reach you!

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

Chuck Norris didn't die - he gave his soul permission to leave his body. The Grim Reaper waited outside until Chuck gave him permission to come in.

RIP to the legend @chucknorris - the only guy who counted to infinity, twice.
#chucknorris

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@Tametheland @nypost Also the 51% law disarms law abiding citizens in most of down town - even if they aren't drinking.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

Shout out to @RoastBattle in #ATX for letting me do my first roast battle.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@BernieSanders What part of "illegal" do you not understand? Illegal = Crime. It's in the name homie.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@casspa Texas too. I can't even use Wifi calling

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@lolnooonono Ok im in Austin, Texas. Same. I thought It was just me

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@WhitneyCummings killed the late show tonight in #atx @comedymothrship ! What a pleasure for my first time there to see her slay.

Also: Im so glad I moved to Austin last weekend. This place is amazing.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

Been in Austin less then 1 week; hit 2 mics: Booked my first showcase gig at Rozco's for New Faces of Austin.

Super honored. This journey is going to be totally worth it!

#atx #StandUpComedy #austin #newfaces #comedian

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@WhitneyCummings Looks good! I just moved to Austin Saturday; coming to see your show this Saturday!

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@broadwaybabyto You know who else isn't on the list? My plumber. Because he doesn't have $50 million. You are confusing 'morality' with 'poverty.' Being broke doesn't make you virtuous, Kelly; it just means you couldn't afford the cover charge.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@bennyjohnson Using the 'Stolen Land' argument to justify illegal entry is a bold strategy. That’s like breaking into a house and telling the police, 'Technically, this land belonged to the Cherokee in 1750, so I’m sleeping on the couch.' Good luck with that defense in court.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@neiltyson Neil, you forgot a variable: Castration. Sled reindeer are almost always castrated males because bulls are too aggressive. And unlike breeding males, castrated males keep their antlers through the winter. You just forgot to check the vet records. Rudolph is a steer, not a doe.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@dom_lucre He is a Certified School Psychologist. That means his expertise is dealing with 5th graders who act out in class. It explains why he treats every adult celebrity like a misbehaving child who needs a permission slip to go to a concert.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@SenWarren Elizabeth, cite your sources. This 'new data' is from a progressive think tank (Groundwork Collaborative) that hand-picked a list of imported gifts to get that number. Meanwhile, the PNC Index says prices are up 4.5%. You're citing a press release from your own team.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@glenn_tunes You live in Norway. The only thing you should be tweeting about is fjords, salmon, and high taxes. Stop LARPing as an American revolutionary from the safety of your socialist utopia. We don't come to your timeline and tell you how to run your reindeer herds.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@redmischa 'Marxist-Leninist' in the bio, 'Do not DM' like you're a celebrity, and begging for Discord joins. You're just a capitalist grifting for attention. Enjoy the freedom that capitalism provided you to tweet this garbage.

[Freeze The Comedian @FreezeComedian]

@AOC Where was this energy for the last 4 years? You had a Democrat President and DOJ, and the files stayed shut. You only care about the 'coverup' when you can blame it on the people you hate. Save the theatre.