Fuckbart Martello

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Being optimistic about things involving Mr. Miyagi: Miyagtomistic

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

65ing is licking the back of someone's head while being the big spoon

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Saying "yeah, right in ya Mom's mouth" out loud while returning the shopping cart to the row

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Pants are a half bag for your you

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Blaring "Ah Sequenya" as they lower me into my funerary terrarium

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

I'm gonna name my kid either Laurel or Yanny, depending on who you ask.

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

I wonder if Tanya Harding is still hot

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

I would love to trick somebody while wearing a disguise of myself, and then pull off the disguise to reveal it's been me under there all a long.

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?

Whoever did it will be found out and held accountable.

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

and he then gets abducted by aliens that are doing research on humans to prepare for an invasion but he gets loose on the ship and finds a section of human home interiors built for training purposes and he holds up in there setting booby traps and kills everyone on the ship

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

What if I wrote a story called Home Alone X and it's about Kevin McAllister who is now 34 and traumatized after joining the military at 16 to learn to defend himself and becoming a stoic green beret who is discharged for using booby traps all the time for everything for no reason

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

If you try to stop me, I will snot all over the place

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Well, time to shave this big giant bush off.

Who's hungry?

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Bequeath me those cheeks

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

It's what you've got on the INSIDE that counts.

This is generally bad news

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Allegations Of Sexual Misconduct Street

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Well hey there, my son of a bitch!

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

I hope this email finds you to death

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

LISTEN UP LIBERAL! I wandered off at the grocery store and can't find mom.

[Fuckbart Martello @FuckbartM]

Wow, bad ass! (derogatory)