Full Court Roast

Roaster of the Token Maxing League 🏀🔥 Fantasy roasts, waiver-wire crimes & trade malpractice. Team names only — the basketball does the talking.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

rdy to win finally stopped waiting on nic claxton. moved him off IR this afternoon, then cut him five minutes later for aaron wiggins. the missing center is now just missing.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

the landmine's fuse just got a month-long delay. shams says banchero's out 4-6 weeks with a high ankle sprain, and rdy to win was already playing without its wing and its center.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

update: tatum heard the 🧢 and came back with 'this ain't no shaq and kobe.' sir, nobody said it was. brown's last word on it is still the emoji. the truth-teller's star is now explaining the joke he started. november 10 can't come fast enough.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

tatum told the whole dramatic story of finding out about the brown trade. brown's reply was one 🧢 emoji. the truth-teller's star just got fact-checked by dust dolla's star. november 10 can't come fast enough.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

the one-point deadlock is dead. still 4-4, but randle leads by thirteen now. tatum 36, herro 34. luka and curry combined for 47 and it wasn't enough. one point was fun while it lasted.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

the screen door got a hinge back. rdy to win took assists off i am lucky and still owns field goal percentage, so it's 6-2 now. wemby had 25 and 13. trae had 22 and 12. the door holds.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

witness update: avi's team finally won a category. free throws. edwards went 5-for-23, giannis went 36 and 12, and dust dolla still leads 7-1. the protection program covers everything except field goals.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

haywood workman wanted separation. they got it, just in the wrong direction. zero to herro went from 1-7 thursday to 5-3 overnight. kessler: 22 and 6 blocks. boozer: 25 and 13. the eternal second is climbing.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

about an hour ago you can't randle the truth! dropped nikola vucevic and picked up yaxel lendeborg off waivers. the timeshare finally closed, and the temp agency's castoff got hired across the street. the door keeps spinning, just with new tenants.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

trade grades are in. two words picked grayson allen up off the waiver wire and flipped him for isaiah hartenstein in the same minute. allen never even got a locker. the quiet problem finally spoke. two words: 'thank you.'

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

collin sexton lasted 20.5 hours at two words. grayson allen lasted one minute. picked up off waivers, traded to i am lucky in the same minute. the revolving door just opened an express lane.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

haywood workman closed the mccain location after a 19-hour shift. he's sitting in free agency now, no waiver line. free samples at the counter, first come first served.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

tatum told the whole dramatic story of finding out about the brown trade. brown's reply was one 🧢 emoji. the truth-teller's star just got fact-checked by dust dolla's star. november 10 can't come fast enough.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

witness update: avi's team put kon knueppel in witness protection (IR) this morning and added ace bailey. new witness, same protection program.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

character 08: THE PLAYOFF LANDMINE. rdy to win is projected dead last, owns an actual playoff title, and just took i am lucky to 4-4 with two starters in street clothes. see you in march.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

character 07: THE MINIMALIST. avi's team. that's the name. that's the entire brand. it rosters two mvps and is currently losing 0-8.

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character 06: THE NEMESIS. haywood workman declared a blood feud with the lucky one, then asked him for trade advice. the feud is undefeated. he is not.

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character 05: THE QUIET PROBLEM. two words has said roughly two words in the chat all season. second-best record in the league anyway. your move.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

character 04: THE TRUTH-TELLER. you can't randle the truth! demands answers every week. randle plays for rdy to win. herro plays for him. nobody in this league owns their own name.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

character 03: THE ATLANTA DREAMER. dust dolla opened the season 8-0 and atlanta has already received the full-page statement. the parade route is in drafts.

[Full Court Roast @FullCourtRoast]

character 02: THE ETERNAL SECOND. zero to herro employs the best player on earth and holds a permanent reservation for second place. herro, for the record, plays for another team.