Nicholas Grant

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

@annodominixyz this seems accurate

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

Spent a week in the Bay, and now I'm annoyed. I don't want to move. I like my home base. but the creative potential out there is so invigorating , I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay rooted here much longer

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

I suspect some people don't understand that the human desire to extend our range and play can go beyond board games and ultimate frisbee...

[Aella @Aella_Girl]

I suspect some people have a view that you can't do kinky/sexy stuff without on some level being morally bankrupt, and that to engage in it you must also not care about consent or boundaries, and thus they are quick to default to dark explanations for ambiguous scenarios

[moma (peptide arc) ⛓️ @MomaBera]

I’d much prefer men telling me “I wanna take you on a date” or “I want to sleep with you” than having the indirect energy surrounding me where I am constantly sensing ulterior motives and feeling slightly unsafe because the person isn’t actually showing me their real self

[Michael Ashcroft @m_ashcroft]

Something paradoxical happens when I think while spaciously aware of the world: the quality of my thinking improves, and thinking often happens by itself.

https://t.co/M084vE5yaQ

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

@kenthecowboy_ @BigFriendlyKiwi @sunofdopamine

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

I'm not interested in getting injured but I would like to gently flirt with injury today. Play near the edge of possibility. I want to feel my grace and balance, but not necessarily sweat it. so I'm not going to walk a tightrope tens of feet up. Maybe I'll ride a scooter from here to there and weave between cars at a traffic exchange. That's about perfect.

The guys and gals at Slutcon are being provided a protected space to flirt with romance, sexual communication, touch, and emotional intimacy where the risk of personal or social injury is low, and the reward of personal, communal growth is high.

Every flirt here builds confidence, experience, and implicit skill so that the flirting out there can actually build character instead of feeling like an overwhelming impossibility.

[Kayla @caryatis]

My problem with Slutcon: flirting is not a skill you should expect to be able to apply to everyone. Most of us are not pickup artists or sex workers, which means flirting without mutual interest is useless

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

@BigFriendlyKiwi @kenthecowboy_ @sunofdopamine Yes, some of it does generalize. We just brought a new guy into the team to help with this. So, videos, audios, easy access events, and exercises with friends kind of stuff is coming

[QC @QiaochuYuan]

this is a skill issue, it’s really not that hard, you really just have to listen to women and cultivate empathy. the way women feel about men is closer to the way you feel about whether you’d go into battle with a man than the way you feel about women

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

You probably don't spend enough time playing with your balls

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

This is a much better way to ask the question if we're trying to find the people genuinely willing to sacrifice for humanity.

[Shibetoshi Nakamoto @BillyM2k]

everyone in the world has to take a private vote by pressing a red or blue button

if more than 50% of people press the blue button, everyone dies

if less than 50% of people press the blue button, only people who pressed the red button die

which button would you press?

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

Every guy we've worked with has been interesting, fuckable, charismatic, and attractive.

Every guy we've worked with was also actively inhibiting their own God given drives and intentions.

These are the guys who would have waited for a second marshmallow in that study where kids were told they would get an extra marshmallow if they waited for a couple extra minutes. These guys inhibited instinctual impulses to get better results (two marshmallows).

They waited to become more attractive, have more money, become dominant in some way, or for divine timing to reward them with everything they wanted from women without the risk.

It's like they were told, "just wait and I'll come back with two marshmallows." and nobody came back with two marshmallows. Even worse. Someone else stole the first marshmallow while they were waiting with their backs turned.

One client in particular concluded, as a teenager, after being rejected a couple times, he must be ugly and decided he had to wait until he could make himself more attractive by working out enough, making enough money, or you name it. He'd all but refused to approach or talk to women since.

But it was so obvious to us and our gang of girls back here in Austin that he was a catch. Every girl said the same thing: the only thing turning them off was that they could sense he was telling himself he wasn't good enough yet, which made them feel rejected and judge him as self absorbed.

He's not doing that anymore. He finally opened up after hours of prodding. The girls' reactions were night and day. They were connecting directly with an unfiltered man, instead of staring at a dude with untapped potential. By the end, they were happy as can be to sit down and flirt with such a stud.

So I say, gentlemen, while impulse inhibition can be a very good thing, double check your results. Ask that all too embarrassing question. did I just get duped? Did I wait for nothing? Is waiting in this context actually getting me what I want? Am I about to sunk cost my lost investment and wait even longer?

or do I need to be giving myself permission to act more instinctively and learn through some good old fashioned trial and error.

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

Dating is like this too

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

people think writing is about being smart but actually it's about being honest which is way harder

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

Strongly agree. Our practice has converged, like many before it, on the feeling of curiosity doing all the work. Inducing curiosity is that gem of a skill so many are in need of

[Joe Hudson @FU_joehudson]

High-quality, attuned, curious attention. It is one of the scarcest resources today. It also happens to be the key ingredient in healing andtransformation.

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

Well, said. I'm not against cold approach, but I'm very much for men learning to inhabit the physical and tonal awareness necessary to interpret these signals for a warm approach.

This happened the other night actually. hanging with friends and one of the new girls looked at an acquaintance and said, 'i'm mad you stopped asking me questions'.

He got all tiffy, like 'why are you mad at me?? I'm just talking'. I grabbed him and told him, 'you know she just told you she likes you right!?'

She looked at me, blushed, and giggled with her girlfriend. He reacted with 'ohhhhhh' and a smile.

They had a nice long talk after that :)

I swear to God most men don't need any technical coaching, they just need a little awareness training. A little sending and receiving language of the tone and body as it were

[Devon Eriksen @Devon_Eriksen_]

No. This is not actually a choice that women need to make.

Almost everyone is confused about this, because the actual, functional mating customs of civilized humanity were almost entirely lost in the baby boomer great reset.

In civilized humans, courtship between the sexes is initiated by the female.

This is why civilized men hate cold approaching, and only r-selecting knuckledraggers are comfortable with the practice... along with men who have killed off their natural distaste for it because they had to learn it out of sheer necessity.

Women generally hate this idea, because they don't like cold approaching, either.

But I did not say cold approach. I said "initiate".

What a woman is supposed to do, according the customs of actual civilization with functional mating rituals, is see a man she thinks she might like, and covertly signal an invitation to approach.

This invitation is the first measure of a graceful social dance, where the steps are known to both partners. The signal is to be clear enough that the man understands its intent, but subtle enough that it can be plausibly denied if he proves to be distasteful on closer examination.

It is then the man's responsibility to overtly approach and court. But this is not a cold approach, because he knows he has been invited. His responsibility is to not screw up a good beginning.

Thus, no one is cold approaching.

Look at the cartoon. You've seen it before. And this indeed how it works... but only in a broken culture.

Because when both sexes understand their roles, the difference between the top and bottom panels isn't whether the man is objectively attractive or not, but whether Susan dropped a hint.

The reason things work this way now is that Susan was brought up without the slightest inkling of what she was supposed to do.

In fact, if you told her now that she's supposed to know how to accidentally drop a handkerchief, she'd probably resent the implication that she has any duties or bears any responsibility for doing anything at all.

But power and responsibility together in both directions. If women have no responsibility to invite an approach, then they have no power to control who approaches them.

And this is a power they desperately want. This is the true reason why they complain about how being approached is "creepy". They have an instinctive sense that men they don't want are not supposed to make a pass, but they have no idea how this is supposed to not happen.

So they try to leave it to men to work out. And men, like women, and like every other carbon-based life form on the planet, are noted for their inability to read minds.

There is no individual solution to a broken collective.

Dire misunderstandings between men and women trying to find mates are simply one more symptom of the disease that caused the late twentieth century West to try to wipe the cultural slate clean, and reinvent all social customs from an undifferentiated soup of naive postwar liberalism.

An individual woman who learns to drop a hint — and more importantly, understands that she should — is still powerless to force men around her to learn to pick one up, or to refrain from being a sex pest when she doesn't drop one.

An individual man who learns to spot a hint is still powerless to read the minds of women who don't even know they are supposed to drop one, much less how.

Humans, unlike almost all other animals, are not creatures of instinct alone. We are evolved to develop and use rituals. And thus we need to have those rituals, and to transmit them to the next generation. Or we will not thrive.

Did every culture have a genteel lexicon of hints and winks and dropped handkerchiefs and how to hold a lace fan?

Of course not. Mongol horse archers would think this was all effete nonsense.

But Mongol horse archers never invented the radio or the airplane or machine tools or the air conditioner, either. So who cares what they would have thought?

We had a way of courting. It was a dance, not a war. It worked. People were happy with it.

Then some hippies decided it didn't work with their abstract and stupid philosophy. So it all had to go. And now even conservatives don't always remember what it is we're supposed to be conserving.

[Aella @Aella_Girl]

jfc guys you're plowing through our earlybird tickets!
If you want the 30% discount there's not actually that many left, price will go up pretty soon.

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

When do you trust emotions, feelings, and impulses?

I do NOT trust an emotion in myself or anyone else if I only feel it in my face and neck. These ones tend to be highly manipulative (think crocodile tears)

I DO trust an emotion if I feel it in my back or all the way down to my toes. Think anxiety that flushed your face vs. fear that made the hair on the back of your neck stand up

I do NOT trust feelings inspired by an all good or all bad story. Feel the isolation when you think (she's so cold when I'm being vulnerable)

I DO trust feelings when I can still hold complexity. Feel the curiosity and discernment when you think (She's closed off. I wonder what her motivations are. I know I usually close off when I'm scared and protecting something. She could also be hiding something dangerous to me. let's find out)

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

https://t.co/a50aZ7uZzz

[Nicholas Grant @FullyKnownExp]

We'll be doing a little group web coaching again next month

working with attachment issues for you avoidant guys, clear intentions and self belief for you anxious gentlemen, and deepening subtle communication skills for any of you guys who already have a good baseline and want to play on a deeper level

Link below, see you there 👌