Funny Tweets

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

I was playing call of duty & I was thinking about joining the army..then I remembered how many times I died...yea fuck that.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

Money does not buy happiness, but it pays my internet, which is almost the same thing.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

5 words that scare the hell out of me in horror movies, "Based on a True story."

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

Taking off your headphones and checking how loud your music is, cause you think it might be too loud.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

*iPhone falls to the floor* The screen breaks. *Nokia falls to the floor* The floor breaks.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

I hate when websites asks "Are you human?" "NOPE, you got me, I'm a vacuum.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

No, I don't have anything to hide. I just don't like people looking through my phone.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

People say you can’t live without love … I think oxygen is more important

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

There is a light at the end of every tunnel….just pray it’s not a train!.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

That awesome feeling you get when you open a jar everyone else was struggling with. ;)

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

lazy fact #7256452565156897; you were too lazy to read that number. ;)

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

I hate when websites asks "Are you human?" "NOPE, you got me, I'm a vacuum.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

A good neighbor is one that does not put a password on their wifi.#facts

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

That annoying moment when you close the wrong tab -.-

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

me: *wakes up* 2 hours later me: *gets out of bed*

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

I advise you, don't mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.

[Funny Tweets @Funny_Master]

Name your iphone 'Titanic', plug it into the computer, "Titanic is syncing", press cancel, feel like a hero.