Gαbby Durαn

I was born by surprise in the Egyptian times | avi by the talented @sarahjoyshockey

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

Genie: I'll give you more wishes, I feel bad for you
Me: [with 3 ice cream cones on the ground] That's very nice of you

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

First they came for the mute, and I did not say anything, so they got me because they thought I was mute as well

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

Me: *catches leprosy* Ahh yes just in time for Halloween

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

Doctors don't wear lab coats after delivering babies because you don't wear white after labor day

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

@Pro_Jones_ *has a picnic attack*

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

Remember me not by how I died (excessive consumption of chicken), but by how I lived (excessive consumption of chicken)

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

God: No work on the Sabbath
Me: *turning off my Rihanna cd* You got it God

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

[Mere moments before God smites me]
I wonder what would happen if I put mayonnaise on my pizza

[ste(ph)en @stephenjmolloy]

Me: "I'm looking for a psychic who rates themselves highly."
Ian: "I'm a medium."
Me: "I need someone better than that."

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

[Being attacked by owls]
Get off me you HOOligans haha

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

I don't exactly know how to administer a vaccine, but I'll give it a shot

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

*Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" begins to play as I trip while carrying a cheese platter*

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

"Who's laughing now?"
- Blind Comedians

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

[Press Conference]
Me: I just got out of klepto rehab
Reporter: Will you be taking questions
Me: I will not be taking anything anymore

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

Me: What are you "app" to, Steve?

STEVE JOBS: I'm dead so leave me be for goodness' sake

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

If there was a humility contest I'd definitely win 1st place

[rob elliott @rockymomax]

ME: hey NEIGHbor

HORSE WHO HAS LIVED NEXT DOOR FOR THE LAST 17 YEARS: not today, rob. please.

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

@VincentOliver I dunno yet, I plan on improving it

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

Anyway my ugly handwriting is now a font

[Gαbby Durαn @GABBYdaAngSaya]

Gang leader: You need to change
Me: [wearing socks & flip-flops] It's chic