G The Honest Toddler

2 and loving every moment of it. eat nothing but mac & chees, gold fish cracks, cheez-it, basically anything orange! but not oranges though

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Date night = Mom/Dad practice wrestling. Me eat a whole bowl of ice cream & watch whatever movie I want #bestnightever #datenight #icecream

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! #lies #icantellthedifference #whywouldyousaythat https://t.co/eaj9VfVJUA

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Mom has the same effect when she hears a wine cork popping 😐😐 #winfordays #wineoclock #shedrunk https://t.co/3PRXN0Zbmc

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

The sound we hear when we receive a new text message acts as a dopamine cue and can cause us to feel like we're addicted to texting.

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

So help me! If this lady don't change my diaper & I get a rash, this'll be the last time till I move out she gets a full 5 hours of sleep!

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Asked mom if we could get a kitten

Mom: I'm allergic. We can't be in the same house

Me: you could move out.....

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Wanted juice before bed, mom said it was bad for my teeth...😑excuse me! U drink a bottle every night before bed! #WineWednesday #adultjuice

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Mom claims she smokes only with her "daily" glass of wine. Meaning she goes through 2 packs a day 😒😒 #lush #wineo #cigs #fullofcrap https://t.co/YC0BIqQn21

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

15 billion cigarettes are smoked worldwide every day.

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Not ever gonna happen with them stumpy legs they got 😐 #truth #stumpylegs #Olympics https://t.co/EWkLZdw6hn

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

No Asian country has ever once won any medals in the 100 meter dash at the Olympics.

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Not gonna lie......I like this freaking song! 😀 In my top 3 right next to Biggie Smalls Mo Money Mo Problems & @50cent P.I.M.P https://t.co/bSWwr10pdl

[OMGFacts @OMGFacts]

This jam is so hot with the newborn crowd.
by @alyssa_gi https://t.co/wMxXxfsgEi

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Isn't everyone's imaginary friend look like this? Mine does 🙃 #imaginaryfriend #yepyep https://t.co/gDaOaawfy2

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Why @tacobell? Why? Kentucky doesn't have chili cheese burritos but Ohio does? Not cool Taco Bell, not cool! #chilicheeseburrito #lame #why

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Look! I'm just now coming to the realization that everybody poops ok! I don't need more stress right now. #pleaseandthankyou https://t.co/PqWLWcOb0c

[HuffPostEducation @HuffPostEdu]

China just put our sex education to shame
https://t.co/HowRHnheLO

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

OK OK! I may or may not of been a bit sleepy & now in my bed. But mom was honestly boring me with dribble about how dad never picks up 😒

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Just because I yawn don't mean you can shove me in my room with no lights and tell me to take a nap! Sometimes it means your boring me!

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Thought I lived in America, but I got a dictator for a mom. Tells me what 2 wear & now telling me 2 say "thank you!" #freecountry #America

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Me celebrating watermelon day: 🙎🍉🍉

Mom celebrating watermelon day: 👩🍉🍾🍹🍹

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

I stopped at nutritious 😝😝 https://t.co/A3U3FIPnAf

[Thrifty DIY Diva @ThriftyDIYDiva]

Nutritious Strawberry Ice Cream Shake #recipe
https://t.co/f4a0giPkwb AD #walmart #NutritionintheMix #Collectivebias

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

Gave mom the family discount.... https://t.co/N7ve4l1XJo

[Next Mommy @Next_Mommy]

Custom designed you hear me!

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

When the only crap you give is the one that's in your diaper..... 😐😐 #nottoday #gosuckit

[G The Honest Toddler @GToddler]

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing & expecting different results, then why is this potty training still happening?