Lord Abigail

call me mother.

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

I played tip toe through the tulips at a crowded new bar

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

I like the first 40 min of the date where they act like complete gentlemen because they want to get laid 😂

[imari @imari]

nothing makes me angrier than sweating in my sleep like bitch did i just wake up WET?!

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

I bet I can bench more than this breathing glamour muscle.

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

Me: on his chest babbling about something half asleep
Him: “Wait you’re married???”
Me: “I have no idea what I just said but I know it wasn’t that”

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

@JBPritzker MY FUCKING MAN I KNEW YOUD DO IT

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

So I got a free trial of tinder that you pay for and it got out of control quickly.

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

@96ColeB You’re my favorite

[Cole @96ColeB]

You know you’re burnt when the lady at McDonald’s says “boy you’re burnt” in the drive through. Shit I know I can feel it!

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

Kanye looks like a mom who counted to three 😂😂

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

@ZestyCheddar15 I was also wasted and I bit him. Right on the wiener. It was an accident but if I could go back now would I give him 8 years of practice? No I would have locked my jaw and finished the job!

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

Was with this kid Austin. He looked/looks like slenderman- instead of killing people he just always smelled like he rubbed a new black ice car tree on his emaciated figure. #MyFirstSexualExperience

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

They push me to this

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

Save the whales one hydrated thot at a time. #staywet #fuckseaworld @hondadeal4vets

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

Thanks for helping me reach 25 followers!

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

I don’t get the avengers like I had no idea they all knew each other

[Cole @96ColeB]

I’m all for air dryers in the bathrooms (eco friendly) but shit can we turn them down a few notches so they aren’t so damn loud. Sum bitch!

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

First messages guys have sent me on tinder:
“You look like a cheap divorce”
“Daddy likes”
“You’re kinda cute and you’ve got body”

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

I remember every word to the Nicki Minaj verse in Bottoms Up but I don’t remember the stages of mitosis

[Lord Abigail @GargoyleGail]

Sometimes I wish I could be a short nail lady. But no, I am a long coffin nail bitch until I die.