Garth Brooks Juice Diet

That’s a fact.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“Alright I need 25 minutes of focus.”

“Oh yeah, what’s it called?”

“Chiaroscuro?”

“Pernambuco?”

“Boobabahbo?”

The correct answer is the Pomodoro Technique.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“I know you’re trying to turn me on, but it won’t work because I just wanna read.” - Me, Super Bowl Sunday, 2021

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“Well I could make breakfast but you hate my breakfast.”

“Because you put frozen peas in your eggs!”

“WILL YOU PLEASE GET OVER THAT!”

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“Babe, do you think I’m prettier than average?”

“What’s average? You’d have to show me a picture.”

“Just take every person you’ve ever seen, and morph them together. That’s average.”

“That sounds like an amorphous blob, so yes, you’re prettier than average.”

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

Logline for movie I’ve never seen, The Room edition:

A man has a lot of sex with a woman named Lisa who is tearing him apart.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

Logline for movie I’ve never seen, Gone With the Wind edition:

A confederate broad named Scarlet can’t choose between two terrible people so she cries in her mansion.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

Logline for movie I’ve never seen, Citizen Kane edition:

An old rich man is obsessed with his childhood sled.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

Logline for movie I’ve never seen, Titanic edition:

A poor artist on a big boat falls in love with a rich girl, they become king of the world, and one of them rides on a door.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

Logline for movie I’ve never seen, Dead Poet’s Society edition:

A teacher makes almost all the boys in his class believe in themselves.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

Logline for movie I’ve never seen, Shawshank Redemption edition:

Two unlikely pals decide to leave prison and go to Mexico.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

Logline for movie I’ve never seen, The Terminator edition:

A hulky robot monster tries to kill some prophetic hero by the name of Conner (?) by chasing him around Los Angeles.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

Logline for movie I’ve never seen, The Godfather Edition:

A mob boss gets pissed at somebody and puts a horse head in their bed on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, or Wednesday.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“So what I’m sayin’ is...the truth is on a deeper level...when you’re high.”

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“You guys were singing really annoying that night. I had to clear that up because it’s gonna keep coming up.”

“We’re that annoying every time. What’s the variable here? Cause it ain’t us.”

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“Who says you have to start a book from the beginning?!”

“Do what you want. Nothing matters.”

“Thanks for that. I’ll log that away.”

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

I don’t wear makeup. I want my personality to shine through my giant pores.

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“We start out awkward and petty and horrible, and we end old and sad.”

“What happens in the middle?”

“I don’t know!”

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“You poked the bear.”

“I did...because I wanted a bear hug.”

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“Lisa paints a tree, and some people just draw a stick” - Ricardo discussing BumbleBFF profiles

[Garth Brooks Juice Diet @GarthDiet]

“I’d like to think that there’s a higher being laughing at me.”

“Laughing at your jokes.”

“Yeah maybe some Demi-god or lower-level spiritual bureaucrat. Ya know, the little guy.”

Me and Joel talking about spirituality.