Gary Pascal

Contributor @theOnion | Co-host @murdertownpod | Trash donkey

[Gary Pascal @GaryPascal]

It's pretty bullshit that a song called Piano Man starts with a fuckload of harmonica

[Groyper @thatgroyper2]

Boomers are like "My mother lived a horrible life so that I could have a better one. Anyway, because my parents had a tough life, you should also have a bad life. Things shouldn't get better, they should get worse. But not for me, just you, because you're young. Fuck you."

[Kirby @BannedKirby]

just got kicked out of crumbl cookies for, you guessed it, being white

[James Medlock @jdcmedlock]

No one created the land they live on. And yet they've been granted the ability to exclude others from it, backed by state force. All we ask is they pay the rest of society for the privilege to use this scarce resource, which itself derives much of its value from society around it

[Flesh Prison Enjoyer @_theFleshPrince]

Carrot Top is such a stupid name since the top of a carrot is green anyways. What an asshole

[riya🔻🇨🇩🇸🇩🍁 @pissofyourmom]

this is how americans sound to me

[Sizwe SikaMusi @SizweLo]

Every time the United States starts another war, this comes to mind

[Adam Johnson @adamjohnsonCHI]

From the foreign policy geniuses who brought you “Biden needs to look sadder and send bags of rice to the kids he’s bombing in Gaza” comes “Trump needs to apologize for mass child murder.” Everything is a PR issue to be managed, not a crime to be ended.

[Ed Elson @edels0n]

"It could last, you know, six days, six weeks. I doubt six months."

- Donald Rumsfeld on the invasion of Iraq, Feb 7 2003

[deedee megadoodoo @givemebudlight]

if they nuke us can they make sure to do it in the morning i don’t wanna work all fucking day just to come home and get nuked

[dan the rock yang @realDANYANG]

Very funny that heated rivalry made non-sports watchers think hockey players were all woke guys having gay sex when really they’re just rich conservatives having gay sex

[Wesley Clark Stan 🇷🇴🇪🇺☦️ @Mr96526948]

What pisses me off the most about modern fascism is how bullshit all of its grievances are. Fascism first rose because a generation was scarred from war and impoverished. Now it rose because a bunch of losers couldn't stop jerking off to video games

[evan loves worf @esjesjesj]

He was trying to abandon his kids to hang out with a pedophile on Christmas Day

[Conor Rogers @conorjrogers]

In 1890, about 20% of all Irish people in the world lived in and had recently arrived in the United States.

In 1910, about 15% of Italians globally lived in the United States.

This is a feature of our country, not a bug.

[Nina Turner @ninaturner]

You cannot argue that leftists “cost” Democrats the election in 2024, then not cater to leftists in 2026 and 2028.

If you believe leftists are the swing vote, appeal to the swing vote.

[Adam Cochran (adamscochran.eth) @adamscochran]

Yes - you do use an ID to vote in Congress..

With:

* A free ID paid for by the government.

* That they make sure you have received.

* In a voter roll you are automatically on and not purged from when eligible.

* With processes to manage your vote if you forget /lose your ID.

If you want mandatory voter ID, then include those kinds of provisions.

Otherwise you're just trying to make voter suppression easier.

[Alastair Thomson @FinanceDirCFO]

This use-case always puzzles me.

Either my emails are a couple of paras long, in which case I can read them myself in a couple of seconds, rendering AI unnecessary.

Or they're 40 paras long and whatever's going to bite me on the ass is well hidden, so I need to read every word.

[Rob Silver @RobSilver]

A lot of people who dance incessantly to YMCA thinking it’s a catchy song about having wholesome fun playing pickup basketball at the local Y and blast Born in the USA thinking it’s a proud tribute to how awesome the US is are big angry they couldn’t understand the lyrics tonight

[Lydia Polgreen @lpolgreen]

The same people who think we can’t afford free buses or child care also think the government should be responsible for shoveling out the cars they park on city streets for free after a snow storm.