GCP Toolkit

GCP is easy to use for all you girls and boys! Dont risk hurting yourself with grown up tools! Parody, not affiliated with any Google service.

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

We've put together a handy diagram explaining the cloud! ⛅️

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Grown up tools are reliable and just do the exact same thing every time, ewww! We like to make life more fun! Look out for our special #beta and #alpha badges for extra excitement in your day!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

When we were building #Firestore the lame backups team told us we had to limit what was "valid" we thought that was stupid so we didn't bother!

Your backups still show that they worked so everyone is happy! Its not like anybody actually wants to restore old stuff! Its old!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

@mbleigh We stand corrected! It would be handy if the firebase documentation mentioned this though! https://t.co/IOdaQY4eTo

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Grown ups tell us not to use personal credentials on shared tools like CI, but its so much extra work!

To make the firebase cli more developer friendly we only allow personal credentials! That way it's not your fault! Luckily nobody ever leaves the team because life is so great!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Some feature flag services like #LaunchDarkly apply your changes straight away.

But that means your app works the same every time, boorrriing!

With remote config we flip a coin to decide if we will show the new or old version, much more exciting!!

And we don't report which!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Making irreversible decisions can be hard! We figured we'd just have them happen silently so you don't have to think about them!

We'll let you know after so you can have that warm feeling that there's nothing you can do!

Some "clouds" don't even have irreversible decisions 👎

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

If you see grown ups working with #AWS, make sure you let them know that you prefer GCP because it's easy to use!

That way they know not to let you touch anything sharp, they might even have some colouring in you can do!!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Bored of the same toys day after day? At GCP we make sure that's not a problem! We thought #Datastore was getting a bit lame so made a new version, now with fire 🔥!! So cool!!!

@killedbygoogle

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Networking is hard! We'll help out by putting everything on the internet so you don't have to lose sleep about people struggling to connect to you!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

#yaml can be complicated!!! To help out we've tracked down the issue that's stopping your pod from deploying!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Developers say they like GCP because it's easy to use

https://t.co/hngpw7qgCP

cc @simpsonsops

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Not sure how to put the batteries in your new toy? @GCPSupport is here to help!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Don't be a tool! With #GKE you don't have to try to solve a problem in the real world! Just use some crayons 🖍, rainbows 🌈 , and:
- yaml

and everything will be okay!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Do complicated permissions make your head hurt? Us too! We decided to just give all your #CloudFunctions editor access so you can go out and play! Can #Lambda do that?!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

If you accidentally delete your #CloudSQL database, dont worry! We'll clean up all those pesky backups for you so you don't have to try and get your site live again!

[GCP Toolkit @GcpToolkit]

Remember kids, GCP is safe and easy to use, don't use any other tools like #AWS without your parents permission, you might hurt yourself!