The Statty Geezer

Meaningless football facts. Pointless stats. The odd rumour. Football nonsense nobody asked for. Use this information wisely. 🫡

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

The year is 2050.

A new 22-team Premier League season is about to begin. Some familiar faces remain. Some huge clubs have disappeared.

Celtic finally joined, Wrexham made it, Bath City are here… and there’s even a Saudi guest

So what happened ? Who would you include? 🧵👇

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@BWhite_94 Same. Haven’t lost a game in 14 years.

Never entered a league, mind.

Nothing says unbeaten like lifting the Community Melon.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@SkySportsPL Spurs 19th. Seen better starts from the self-checkout when you’ve got an unexpected item in the bagging area.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@Squawka 12 years. 435 games. 280 goals. And somehow his first Tottenham appearance was in a game where Harry Kane wasn't even Tottenham's best Harry Kane yet.

What a career.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@Tunnykvng They’ve got 115 lawyers. Surely one of them can type up a bid.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@SkySportsNews Martinelli seriously considering Al Hilal.

Imagine spending six years trying to win the Premier League then accidentally clicking “Saudi Arabia” on LinkedIn.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

🚨 POINTLESS PL STAT OF THE DAY #012

Neville & Carragher have predicted the entire Premier League season after 10 matches.

Matches still to play: 370 That’s 370 opportunities to make them look stupid.

Use this information wisely. 🫡

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@abdulhamid_kuta Follow-for-follow. Personal terms agreed. Medical skipped. Here we go.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@CouchNish 227 players and you’ve managed to avoid finishing last. Show-off.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@moossa1967 @SkyBet Thanks for coming to my TED talk on British wildlife

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@PLinUSA BABE FC RUNNING THE LEAGUE ALREADY 💅⚽
Brighton Arsenal Brentford Everton. Top 4. No City. No Liverpool. No United.
It's Matchweek 1 and the Prem's already lost the plot.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@uttdkola Terry, Anelka… and Monty Panesar in the middle bowling a doosra. You nearly fooled us!

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@HotspurLane United lose 4-0: “It’s the Glazers.”
Spurs lose 3-0: “I’ve identified 17 structural problems with the football club.”
Never change, Gary.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

Forget the transfer window. I need an update on Isaac from Boro immediately. Anyone in the know? This story has been left on a cliffhanger for 24 hours and frankly it’s unacceptable.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@Footballtweet Two new signings combine for a goal and the prophecy has begun. Give it another 20 minutes and we’ll have the open-top bus route.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@JacobsBen £117m suddenly feeling like a perfectly sensible amount of money for a human being.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@SkyBet Are the Blues back? Some people’s streams haven’t even started yet.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@paddypower Imagine queuing £7.50 for a pint and missing the first goal. Football heritage.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@ArchieH90913343 @SkyBet The losing pigeon may be.

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

🚨 POINTLESS STAT 011

Fulham v Chelsea sparked debate over England’s biggest derbies. So naturally I researched the smallest.

🇬🇧 BIGGEST LITTLE DERBIES
🥇 Margate v Ramsgate
🥈 Marine v Southport
🥉 Slough v Maidenhead

El Clásico with a raffle. 😂 What's your favourite one?

[The Statty Geezer @GeezerLeaksFC]

@WeRTottenhamTV After extensive analysis I can confirm that having James Maddison available appears preferable to James Maddison being injured. More groundbreaking data tomorrow.