General Joe Biden - Civil War General

Actual letters from famous Civil War general, General Joe Biden, Remailing a letter earns you a follow back, you extremist! WHY AM I YELLIN! Parody, or is it?

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

My dear followers,
I ask you this morning for a shot of squirrel-tail elixir: Please visit my timeline and retweet your favorite letter from me to the Mrs. It will only take a minute, but it means a lot. I'll have 81 million by morrow.

https://t.co/VLDppuWDsU

[Hunter Biden Esq @HunterBidenEsq]

My dearest Father @GeneralBiden,
A volley of "Dear Hunter" missives have arrived at camp. I fear my flank lacks the citizenry's backing. I wonder if a call to surrender my pardons at Appomattox tis near!
P.S. Much obliged for the pardons. They keep me warm at night.
10% Yours,
HB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

Dearest Jill,
Received the SOTU by telegraph. I knew not that Captain Kirk had fallen. A gallant foe was he. His place of birth escapes me– Mexico or Canada? Tis one of those islands.
Life is peaceful after the war. Seldom do I dream of Pocahontas and her tribe of Democrats.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

Dearest Jill,
One of the Green Hair Brigade hath struck a mighty blow upon our foe! Retired Private Mick Foley, of the WWE Concusion Company, hath called the Orange Commander a meanie-head and re-retired.
We now encamp in eager anticipation of their white flag of surrender!
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

Dearest Jill,
I fear the enemy's Orange Chieftain hath caught wind of our spy, Pam Bondi. He chafes at her idleness, unknowing that her true duty is to bide her time till his command doth wane. We stand in need of a diversion. Does Sawbones Fauci have any extra dysentery?
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@TheBabylonBee Dearest Bee of Babylonia,
We've a bullet though can sink thine teeth into. It comes from the barrell of the musket of Sgt Buttgieg. Tis only been fired once, he lost his composure when he was under-dumked on his swing. He swang instead of swung.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@DefiantLs Dearest L,
Ive corresponded with Sawbones Fauci. He's willing to donate cases of squirrel-tail elixir for the voyage. It can be used for fuel or to pass the time on the voyage. Sgt Buttigieg will also journey with us if there is a swing in said ship. Does Mars have ice cream?
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@atensnut Dearest Juuuanita,
Why doth thou play hard to get with the Ol' General? I have many cases of squirrel-tail exilir stored for a night 'round the fire where you can learn of my exploits with Sgt Buttgieg and Sawbones Fauci. Shall I save you a seat?
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@CynicalPublius @rgajr13 Dearest Publi,
My Green-hair Brigade doth agrees. None shall smite the power of our slurs. Their powers are absolute and key to our winning this war. Cower at mysogynst, racist, antisemite.. or we shall slur you a second time! Now I beg your pardon, I've ice cream to eat.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@4thOfJuly365 @atensnut Dearest A Tens Nut,
The correspondence contains many words. I too slave and only rarely a lad or lass takes a moment to enjoy the labors of my quill pen. I exhort to those that read these words‐ explore my profile & letters. All who enjoy shall follow to join my army. Huzzah!
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@atensnut Dearest A Tens Nut,
My men and I will help you with your quest! Currently we are handling the Indians...

https://t.co/8k7PneWl5K

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

My Dearest Jill,
We have summoned The Cowboys to drive off these troublesome Indians. Certain fellows in the green-haired Brigade would keep them near, but I’ll not abide another dispatch claiming dysentery hath seized my telegraph, demanding I send gift cards forthwith.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

My Dearest Jill,
We have summoned The Cowboys to drive off these troublesome Indians. Certain fellows in the green-haired Brigade would keep them near, but I’ll not abide another dispatch claiming dysentery hath seized my telegraph, demanding I send gift cards forthwith.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

Dearest Jill,
Bad tidings, We schemed to place Captain Mark Kelly, of the Green-hair Brigade, behind enemy lines. We shaved his identifying locks for disguise, but he's penned! We've sent word by carrier pigeon:
Continue to play dumb– it should work, tis our usual composure.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

Dearest Jill,
Bad tidings, We schemed to place Captain Mark Kelly, of the Green-hair Brigade, behind enemy lines. We shaved his identifying locks for disguise, but he's penned! We've sent word by carrier pigeon:
Continue to play dumb– it should work, tis our usual composure.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

Dearest Jill,
Bad tidings, I fear. Captain Kelly, of the Green-hair Brigade, is beset by our foe. We schemed to place him behind enemy lines by shaving his identifying locks, but he's penned! We've sent word by carrier pigeon:
Continue to play dumb– tis our usual composure.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@unusual_whales Dearest Moby Dick,
You'e after the Orange Ahab. Let me know if you need my Green-hair Brigade. Cant reckon how many of them swim, but I'm sure you can swallow a few and take them with you. Have them back in three days, we've got a battle planned with Chief Runs with Scissors.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@unusual_whales Dearest Moby Dick,
You'e after the Orange Ahab. Let me know if you need my Green-hair Brigade. Cant reckon how many of them swim, but I'm sure you can swallow a few and take them with you. Have them back in three days, we've got a battle planned with Chief Runs with Scissors.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

Dearest Jill,
Happy Halloween! Do you believe in Merlin? I stumbled upon a magical quill and in a SNAP it will write things for me, even things I don't know about. I dubbed it the autopen and I get in trouble if I complain about where it writes. They take away my pudding.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@cb_doge @elonmusk Dearest Jill,
This Daguerreotype of Mars reminds me of our last holiday there. Shuffling to my chair and breathing in the fresh carbon dioxide, nitrogen and argon. Ah, twas so invigorating.
GJB

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@TheProjectUnity @icamewithfire Dear Jay,
Twas many a night of war that I laid pen to paper. Yet, my army numbers were meager. The people behind the picket fence hold great power. Power to contain the greatest civil war general of all of the times. Now, begging your pardon, I must retire to bed
-Autoquill

[General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden]

@TheProjectUnity @icamewithfire Dear Jay,
Twas many a night of war that I laid pen to paper. Yet, my army numbers were meager. The people behind the picket fence hold great power. Power to contain the greatest civil war general of all of the times. Now, begging your pardon, I must retire to bed
-Autoquill