Gerald Elbasani

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

How is it that every👏🏼single👏🏼one👏🏼of these LOSERS cry foul after every match. PBD, Rubin, Pratt, that other doofus from the PBD panel.
These past few weeks they're collapsing back to back and come back for seconds. This is almost unnatural.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

@TVietor08 @MeghanMcCain I think we’ve seen this episode, like six years ago.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

He has the moral compass of a looting Viking but none of the work ethic.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

This is like a clown running across a minefield.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

A blogger with no newsroom now runs America's most famous one. Its best correspondent is gone for asking questions. Its stories get edited with one eye on the President.

They didn't kill the watchdog. They made it a house pet.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

We are not about to let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

@JoeyMannarino Sometimes I feel like there's a 9-year-old boy inside of you just operating levers.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

Francis Montgomery von Biscuit and
Henry Theodore Scratchington

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

I've seen a salmon in a grizzly's mouth look less panicky than that.

[Aaron Rupar @atrupar]

QUINTANILLA: According to the filings, the president has been trading some Intel in the quarter

JIM CRAMER: Yeah, uh, yeah, hmm

FABER: Got nothing to say?

CRAMER: Uh, uh, yeah, whoa, yeah.

FABER: Don't worry. We're not having technical difficulties, but we gotta go

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

Artificial intelligence can never compare to natural stupidity.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

I am one minor inconvenience away from becoming a local folklore villain.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

Silver facial hair coming in feels a little aggressive

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

@catshealdeprsn Bismarck 😜

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

There's only one answer... Veep

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

@Spotify Not sure if it counts but that’s the first song that came to mind when I read the caption 😜

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

@ATRightMovies

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

all therapists have therapists and then those therapists have a therapist and so it continues until you reach the final boss
therapist who is Fiona Apple
https://t.co/bisbEH2MOq

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

@Bray_erryday That’s a tough call. But depends when you’re asking.

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

You can live in LA and still be 2 hrs away from LA

[Gerald Elbasani @GeraldElbasani]

@netflix I assume the name of this event references Netflix’s intro sound. I keep saying this word out loud, and it just doesn’t sound like it’s written!

I mean, wtf? Who comes up with this BS?