Stuff I Hate

Chupacabra Spokesman

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate it here.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate it when Mariah shows her face in November.

*whistles “All I Want For Christmas Is You” while loading a pistol with a single round*

*camera pans out to snowy cabin in the woods*

*long pause followed by single gunshot and silence*

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate when I get one really awful chicken tender, followed by one really great chicken tender, then remember I’m fucking 34 and eat like a god damn child.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that my ADD has reached the level of “you can DEFINITELY cook hamburger helper and give your kid a bath at the same time.”

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate green bud light almost as much as I hate the people who drink it.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that fried chicken isn’t more readily accepted as a breakfast meat.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that I can’t think of a solid enough joke to tie the words Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mitch McConnell, and RePubes together.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that I got to watch most of the inauguration from a bar, but wasn’t allowed to do celebratory shots with the bartender while all the old white hillbillies bitched about old white hillbilly shit.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that the list of things I hate today is too long to fit in a single fucking tweet.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that all it took for anti-vaxxers to shut the fuck up was a bat, an orange piece of shit, and 250,000 dead fellow countrymen.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that my industry is a regular contributor to systematic destruction of the well-being of others and yet we have the unmedicated gall to call ourselves “life safety” without someone punching us directly in the genitals.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that “It was Election Night?” isn’t an acceptable excuse for being too drunk to answer an “emergency” work call.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

@davidmweissman Whiskey. Kind of a lot of whiskey.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate it when a Jehovah’s Witness corners me on a job site.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that Seppuku isn’t a more widely accepted retirement plan. Especially for politicians.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that challenging elected officials to a duel isn’t more readily accepted for conflict resolution.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

@TheTweetOfGod Bitch! You fucking let this happen! You better at least send another fucking asteroid.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that my boss doesn’t realize that almost everything I say to him can be translated to, “I want to punch your face at least twice.”

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate any engineer who intentionally chooses flathead screws. You should be charged with treason, you sick fuck.

[Stuff I Hate @GilbertsonCasey]

I hate that Texas isn’t called “Dry Florida.”