Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

@oldwaver @gordonkeith FOUND

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

@oldwaver @TheHardline3to7 @SportsSturm I'm so proud of you.

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

I'm a really careful driver because if you get in a wreck, you have to talk to people

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

My washing machine:
Fill + wash + rinse = 1 minute, 48 seconds
Final Spin = 72 minutes, 16 seconds

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

I love when shoes have their little logo on the bottom of the sole. Let's go brand some sand

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

Yooo girl, can I get your Cell number?

[NBC News @NBCNews]

Disgraced Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes is scheduled to report to prison Tuesday to begin her sentence of more than 11 years. https://t.co/UsJP4iB3FD

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

@oldwaver @gordonkeith I will be appearing live and EXCLUSIVELY on SportsRadio 96.7 and 1310 The Ticket today at 5:30 to recount my harrowing tale.

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

@oldwaver @gordonkeith FOUND

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

@oldwaver @gordonkeith Owner is on her way. Have a great day, Davey!

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

@oldwaver That's definitely a pet 😬

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

Ah yes, the 4 major food groups

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

Can you imagine writing "Boom, boom, boom. Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon" on a sheet of paper and thinking, "yes, that's absolutely perfect"

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

When your boss at the sausage company says you gotta come up with a new slogan but it's Friday afternoon

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

Dropbox is like, "your free 2gb account is full! Upgrade today to 4000 terabytes for only $80,000 per month!"

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

A cake doesn't become a birthday cake until every woman in the room says, "I just want a little piece."

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

We haven't given Ke$ha nearly enough credit for inventing Tik Tok

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

Thankful for my sleep app. Where I used to think being in bed 12-8 meant I got a full, restful 8 hours of sleep, I now know I only slept for 6:44 at 79% efficiency. Really helps me complain about how tired I am the next day!

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

@corbydavidson Texas rat snake. Totally harmless, and you may be able to command it using your snake powers.

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

I need to go here

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

Jerry gonna give us diabetes with all that cake

[Snake Expert & Tortoise Finder @GiveScottCoffee]

When you thought you were taping your segment but you were actually live:
@NotJackKemp @bracketdan @gordonkeith