Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy

Local Joke Jockey

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Another teen lost today to the unstoppable tide of white boy swagger

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Nowadays it feels like people remember you more as the serial killer you were than as the rodeo clown you pretended to be (to cover for the murders)

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Getting COVID as a mobster is a little bit cooler because afterwards your nickname can be Tony Corony

[k ⁷ @cyphertann]

thread of petitions to sign for the black lives that still have not gotten justice

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Money speaks louder than tweets.
PDX bail fund: https://t.co/6CSOmYZLyL

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Tear gas is banned in warfare but totally chill for use on civilians, huh?

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Let he who is without cringe post the first compilation

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

This pandemic is bad news for everyone except the CEO of Zoom

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

The United States Government can, and should, subsidize wizened mountain hermits

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Weird remembering when my friend’s parents would make them delete inappropriate posts because an employer might see them. Now Jimmy Johns and Dennys tweet about cum all day and no one bats an eye

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Going to tell my children that Tupac and Santa Claus are the same person

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Convincing the rest of my Applebee’s party to “tip in backflips”

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

The message of George Orwell’s 1984 is that we live in a society

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Cats (2019) but every character is played by a professional wrestler

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

My first act as president will be to abolish the north pole

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Haters gettin real quiet when I start making shadow puppets in the club

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Life hack: use a bath bomb in the shower for instant disappointment

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Musical chairs was the first battle royale game

[Luke “Beef” Goldsworthy @Gldswrthy]

Using my new ouija board to try and sext with ghosts