mallory janszen

I’m like Chrissy Teigen but poor and ugly

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

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[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

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[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

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[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

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[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

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[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

I’d like to thank @HighPointU for creating my extraordinary parking spot finding skills. #ifyouknowyouknow

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

@Apple iPhones should have screen sharing capabilities. Gotta be able to FT my girls AND show them the texts I’m referencing. #hearditherefirst

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

It would have been nice to know how long this whole pandemic was going to go on for. I totally could have gotten bangs in March and grew them out by now if I didn’t like them. Nobody would have known.

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

Well today I realized I’m the only person on earth who doesn’t give a crap about Taylor Swift and her music.

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

I JUST put together that the Grinch and Chuck Bass have the same kind of dog. Confidence???

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

#Mukbang videos gross me out.. yet #snapchat likes to remind me that 4 years ago I drunkenly took snaps of myself eating chicken tenders and ranch at 3am.. Where was my #YouTube career THEN???

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

Anyone else think the inside of a 3 Musketeers looks like moon sand you played with as a kid?

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

How has there not been a movie made about @DollyParton ???

[mallory janszen @GliTTERY_MESS]

Does anyone truly pay attention to the arrows on the floors in stores right now? Not that I ignore them I just straight up don’t see them because I don’t look down.