Swamp Witch

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

If I ever get into that putting food on my body for someone to eat it off of me, I'd like it to be mac and chee. #feelingthoughtful #macandcheese

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

Sorry, my calendar is booked out. I have no time to suffer fools.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

@manofletterz When I poo, my face is completely blank... so I think you're wro...wait a minute.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

The only thing I ate today was the skin on my lips.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

Me with a cold: minding my own business
My eyes: 💦👀💦

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

When I say "I hate it here" I mean earth.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

Oh, you would die for me? I just got the ick.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

Facebook Marketplace is the new black market.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

If John Cena wears Camo, does that cancel out the invisibility?

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

What sound does a Pterodactyl make going to the bathroom? None, because the P is silent.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

This salsa is so spicy my dumbass just blew on my next chip.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

Anyone else ever get hyper aware of the shape of your teeth? Asking for a friend.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

@KaylaChowShow The Mighty Boners

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

"So, you mentioned on our date that you had a penis. Elaborate on that." -Me trying to flirt.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

I'm at a weird point in my life where I have absolutely no drive-thru napkins in my center console.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

My favorite position is the fetal position.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

My love language is you being emotionally unavailable.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

Considering working to become a stand-up comedian so I can eventually get the chance to meet John Mulaney... and then marry him.

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

Me rn

[Swamp Witch @GnomeOfDoom]

I rarely shoot my shot, but like a Storm Trooper, I always miss.

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Might just fuck around and constantly remind you that you’re worth a hell of a lot more than you allow yourself to believe.