Dalton

trying to be taken seriously

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Realizing now that my winless freshmen football team probly should have done more actual practicing and less learning the Soulja Boy dance

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

@austingorte

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Milk costs more than gasoline per gallon. Not a joke, just kinda fuckin weird

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

In the tune of Take Me to Church... 🎼TAKE ME TO CHILIS🎼

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

MY GIRLFRIEND SAID YES!!!.... to leaving me for her yoga instructor Kyler

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

@jucojimmer when Klay can walk, we’ll talk

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

@jucojimmer

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

I’ve never had less faith in the human race than after leaving a Walmart

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Ever notice how wraps are just portable salads, man?

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Ever notice how audio books are just slow rap albums, man?

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Ever notice how Tostito’s Scoops are just tiny bread bowls, man?

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Ever notice how kids are just like tiny people, man?

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Ever notice how talking is just like an email from your brain, man?

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Krap Macaroni and Cheese

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

The first person to do the “I just flew in from(city).... and boy are my arms tired” probably fuckin killed it.

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

It's impossible to look tough while walking on ice

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

A polar vortex is just a Canadian hurricane

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

@ErikaBrull not enough

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

The only goal I've had in life is to one day disappear into the woods and emerge a month later with a full beard and a pet wolf named Balto

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

Predator 2: Lost in New York is the best Christmas movie

[Dalton @GoldenPizzaGod]

@austingorte welcome to my life, brother