Jack Goldstein

Author, Musician and general annoyance.

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Every World Cup I wonder if @ITV’s coverage has improved. And, as always, I’m disappointed. Not surprised, just disappointed. @ITVX how can you mess up streaming so badly? A pause and a stutter every 15 seconds? On pc hardware that is top of the range, including a 5090? Shite.

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

I thought that French song about pooper scoopers was pretty catchy. My hearing’s isn’t what it once was, but still enjoying proceedings nonetheless… #Eurovision

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

@metpoliceuk so you deny two-tier policing? Tell me, the rioters who rampaged and toppled a statue before dragging it into a Bristol harbour…. What sentence did they receive? Was it the 3 years that recent rioters were awarded? Oh no, that’s right, they were not punished. Nice.

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

My god this is nightmare fuel.

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

lol @itvfootball “Slovakia, the underdog” - uhhhh no, WE are the underdog. It’s that mentality that makes us play for 80% possession with 1 shot on target…

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Oh @ITVX I see you’re streaming at 8 frames per second again.

What the F is wrong with you?!

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

…and here’s what happens in game. Are you aware of this and do you know how I can fix it?!

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

@EASPORTSFC on the PS5 all animations running super slow. Here’s a pack opening…

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

@UberEats so I’ve paid TWICE for an order from you. The minute after the delivery driver picked up the goods, he cancelled the order saying “can’t deliver”. It’s been an hour. Your telephone support say they can’t do anything and don’t refund for undelivered goods. I’m disgusted.

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

@jennyeclair Maybe they should have saved a bit when their £1600 mortgage went down to £400 Jenny. Oh, sorry, you’re talking about naïve 20-somethings who thought that this boom would never, ever, ever bust and that rates would stay stupidly low forever. Pretty sure yours is paid off though?

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Seriously, who chose this as the best representative of our great musical country? It’s atrocious. It’s like something Malta would have sung in 2009. Godawful. #Eurovision

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Oh. UK back to “Gemini” form after last year’s highs. Obviously we don’t want to pay to host it again, a La Father Ted. #Eurovision

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Croatia: why do I get the feeling that this should be really offensive? It’s utterly insane. Definitely in my top 3. That *IS* Admiral Karl Dönitz, right? #Eurovision

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Slovenia: this is why I watch #EUROVISION. They’re not trying to play for votes, they’re singing in their own language, they’re dressed like Procul Harem and their air guitar skills are incredible. I love you, Slovenia, please can I move to your country…?

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

The power of a *unicorn*? That famously non-existent horse? Oh I’m sure you’ll be imbued with all the power of the strip club you clearly trained at. #Eurovision (I’m so sorry, I really don’t mean it)

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Lithuania: clearly summoning up some kind of entity with all that symbolism… #EUROVISION

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Germany: Himmler will be spinning in his grave with the sight of those trousers. But he’d probably also be secretly excited, the kinky bugger. #EUROVISION

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Hahahaha Norway this is amazing. Like a techno hymn to Joan of Arc crossed with “I kissed a girl” and. Soupçon of Skrillex thrown in. Awesome. You’ll have to fight with Finland for my vote… #EUROVISION

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

@MattGestal I thought it might have been… I had a red one. Twin turbo but not targa top. Mental car, I miss it. Thanks for helping me with my Alan Partridge moment. Now back to the “music”.

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Australia: what’s that Targa top car? Too big for a Fiat X1-9. MR2 maybe? Also, when did 1987 happen again? #Eurovision anyone remember Jesus Jones btw?

[Jack Goldstein @GoldsteinBooks]

Ukraine: it’s like they’ve re-released Lawnmower Man but with slightly better effects. #the90s #betyouforgotaboutthatfilm #EUROVISION