Goldy Goddamn Gopher

On game day, you'll find 40,000 adults loudly demanding that a man in a chipmunk costume spin his head. I am that man. (Note: I'm a real gopher dammit!)

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@AlainaAppaloosa Please let your friend know that my DMs are open! #GopherShag

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@PrezzzKalerYo @HaveYouHadAbeer C'mon, Eric. @palertrish tweeted evidence that Stangler IS Hillz. Abeer's using BS political rhetoric.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@PrezzzKalerYo @palertrish Suck my rodent dick, Eric.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

Haha, wow, guys! Classic! https://t.co/6TEKK3pBmM

[president eric kaler @PrezzzKalerYo]

#KALERSHIT: @msaUMN, @AuroraCenter tryna fight sex asslt & harassmnt while ya boy pay sexual harasser norwood teague $285/hr 😂 @PrezStangler

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

#umn19 #umn18 #umn17 #umn16 #umnproud #umnaffirmativeconsent #sex #sexyfuntimes #consent @POTUS https://t.co/lJoefENt6w

[president eric kaler @PrezzzKalerYo]

if you want to touch the ass you have to ask #affirmativeconsent #umn #umn19

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

;) https://t.co/JgdVyB4wWZ

[president eric kaler @PrezzzKalerYo]

peep this photo of me & karen

#goals

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@PrezzzKalerYo I hear the hangover lasts years—even decades!

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@PrezzzKalerYo But shit, I'm a goddamn gopher and I'd design better UX, page load times, etc. than the new Myu job search.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@PrezzzKalerYo Well. That was insensitive.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

(This is a photo of President Eric back when he was a grad student. Doctoral theses will fuck you up.) https://t.co/MDU5VBkFjx

[president eric kaler @PrezzzKalerYo]

when all u want is a tuition freeze but #mnleg just freezes yo concerns n fences u off from the discussion

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

Well. @ScottWalker really did "fuck the badgers!" Though I thought the @GOP opposed marriage between man and animal. https://t.co/X0HKBEsUH7

[president eric kaler @PrezzzKalerYo]

also STOP sayin 'fuck wisconsin'. tha brotha @ScottWalker already did hit that 😂 like dam #mnleg f'ed up but we got it gud comparatively smh

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

Look at my teeth! I mean damn.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@maylee_misspell And I mean POTATOES. Real potatoes. None of that weak-ass Idaho shit, you feel?

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@maylee_misspell Hey, you wanna help a brother out? Stuff me in your suitcase. I need some goddamn potatoes.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

Dammit SUA. You know I don't like my intimate PDA broadcast to every small child with a Twitter account. https://t.co/F9pzlSHrYc

[Student Unions UofM @umnSUA]

Gopher's got game. #NationalKissingDay #GoldyStatue #ExperienceItAll

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@laurentehan I've tried using the text bar to cover up the fact that I'm not human. Girls don't buy it. :(

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@hannahemery12 Then don't! I swear to God there's a boat, a lake, or a small tub of homemade Minnesota passive-aggression you could live in.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@EmilyWestphal15 Just don't get pregnant. I hear that going into labor to push student loans out of your body can be quite painful.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@EmilyWestphal15 Share? Sigh. Kids these days don't understand true love. I'm getting too old for this shit.

[Goldy Goddamn Gopher @GoldyBeLike]

@hannahemery12 Welcome to the family Geomyidae!