im not supposed to be having a mental breakdown but it feels so good to feel something for once. i crawled into a humans skin and ate its brain from the inside and now i hate being human
why is it so fucking upsetting that im scared of you? im scared of fucking everything. youre not special. youre not some fucking awful person. why dont you understand youre the scariest fucking thing in the world just like everything else
dont tell me itll be ok. all my life ive dissociated into a numbness so that everything could be ok. drug me up and beat me and send me spiraling and just be there with me to watch it all happen. get me as close to breaking as possible. trust me. ill be ok. ill be ok.
i have someone i can hurt. its not fair. its so easy to find people to hurt why cant i find someone who can hurt me. everyone in the world is stealing my pain away from me but i just want it i want pain so bad i want to feel miserable and awful and disgusted
i wish someone wanted to punch me in the gut. that sounds like it would be awful and hurt. id hate it tbh. i want to know what it feels like really bad. id probably piss myself, itd probly leave me in pain for days after.
i need someone who wants to hurt me, looks forward to the next time they can hurt me. i want them to care for me after, not looking for actual abuse but i want to be hurt a lot and no one ever wants to hurt me. i hate everyone being so polite and scared