Jerbot™ Dingleberry

Raps Videos I poop at least twice a day

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Accidentally ordered a Jeff Daniels instead of a Jack Daniels and now this goofy lookin dude won't stop talking about skis.

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

🎵I’m just a sittin on the dock of the bay
Waiting for tax, returns to get in my bank🎵

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Me: *gets mauled by a bear*

Also me: “I feel attacked”

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Sorry, I can’t go out tonight. The doggo is already snuggling me

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

*in bed*

Mind is overwhelmed
Body is exhausted
Legs are seeing how fast they can play the kick drums

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

*first thoughts wearing leggings*

-These are nice and snug
-Penis has optimal support
-Oooo stretchy
-Oh my god, my calfs look great!
-Fuck me. Look at dat ass!
-I’m a goddess in these 💁🏻‍♀️💅🏻

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Went to my parents to open gifts and accidentally shouted “god damn, new socks make me wet.” upon opening socks. In all fairness, it’s true

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

My entire experience playing Red Dead Dedemption 2

Anyone in the game “Will you hurry up, Arthur?!?”

Me *taking change out of the dead’s pockets and trying on hats*

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Disney + “Would you like to skip the intro to Marvel Comics X-Men?”

Me “Abso-mother-fucking-lutely-not. Don’t ask stupid questions.”

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Zits are weird.

Our bodies are like “We don’t want this anymore, but your mirror probably does.”

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Rafiki *holds up Simba*

Entire animal kingdom “YAAAAAAS BITCH YAAAAAS!”

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Movie producer “Awesome! Your scripts are all set. We just need to cast parts and we’re good to go.”

Eddie Murphy and Tyler Perry “Cast parts?”

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

The paint agitator was taking a different approach to his job. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was just shaking things up.

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Think you can handle a Saiyan in a fight?

Vegeta ‘bout it

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

How do I make no bake cookies?

Do I just have to not...bake cookies?

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Just mixed a Bang and a Reign energy drink and now I can’t stop shouting the Lost Boys battle cry’s

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Serial dramas to white girls are the same as muggles/muggle inventions to Arthur Weasley.

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

Hamburger Helper. The one pump chump of dinner

[Jerbot™ Dingleberry @Goofpoops]

The mattress salesman was far too pushy with one brand, and I didn’t appreciate him being so asSertative

[Steven W Skinner @SkinnerSteven]

“It was very romantic– your father opened the dating app and swiped me off my feet!”