Goonie

PhD in the Debaucherous Arts. #5thyear. ALL TWEETS, CHIRPS & OPINIONS ARE MY OWN

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

#TweetAVideoThatYouCantExplain

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

I’ve been struggling to take the wrappers off of straws lately.

Anyone else?

[WhatIsNewYork @whatisny]

🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽 #whatisnewyork

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

What even is a Brazzer anyway?

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

@MalikaManning @KcnYzy Donda Academy in Simi Valley

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

Liking insta stories is fun but Facebook poking was a special type of flirting

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

I always carry an extra brand new chapstick in case someone asks to use mine

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

Hanging out in between VIP tables tonight

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

Kisses make my brain buzz in the best way possible

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

Shooting stars are crazy tonight

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

I was just offered me a beer but how do I explain to them that I’ve only had a vitamin water and lifesaver gummies to eat today

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

@hankgreen A coworker with extremely curly hair explained to me that she had straight hair before she had cancer.

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

@historyinmemes Wahooo

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

I call her my sunshine but she only calls when the moon is out

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

No one speeds more than a person who’s close to getting home after a long trip

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

I love trashy dive bars because the next fight is a good reason to leave without having to give an explanation

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

@InternetH0F He had a son at age 12?

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

Sorry babe I can’t spend the night. Last time I felt homesick at 3am

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

@Travis_in_Flint Kinda how the Mexican Cartels thank the USA for their explendid guns.

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

@cottoncandaddy @frumpydumpyy Our neighbor’s cat sh*ts in other’s backyards and last year a pregnant neighbor almost lost her baby. Turned out to be Toxo and she had never even owned a cat.

[Goonie @Gooner_Himself]

So many of my breakfasts have been ruined by a sticky pan. It’s time to make a change.