okay asparagus

i love rats and i love cooking 👨‍🍳🐀 stink/stank/stonk

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“Leave me, E.R. Fightmaster, Claud, and my twink husband alone”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“If you’re gonna call me fat at least get my birthday right”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“You know what would be good right now? A nice Caesar salad” - my wife at 10:15 AM

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“The fact that [redacted] wrote me a paragraph long fic about [my bias] giving birth to my child, to convince me to go to the gym”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“I doooon’t want to clock into the Something Always Goes Wrong Factory today”
“But if you don’t clock into the Something Always Goes Wrong Factory, something will go Even Worse”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“You’re not just one clown, you’re full of em”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“It was a lot of goo for just one foreskin”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“It’s a breastfeed or be breastfed world out there folks”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“If you shit talk Boohbah I Will kill you”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“I’ve always said this, but everyone should have more than one bone guy”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“Is it gay to kiss your platonic nesting partner?”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“I’ve got 4 wheel drive and a dream”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“Nooo don’t eat me like corn!”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“Not two factor authentication boner!”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“Clothing: optional. Chainmail: mandatory”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“I wouldn’t say he’s evil, he’s just racist and misogynistic and…. Probably homophobic”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“Sheephood is not a wound, sheephood is a gift”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“This is probably racist… does cat have one language?”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“I think J-Hope has bush”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“Naked Jimin rat”

[okay asparagus @GooseSquawk]

“I would smash him bald”