Graham Dating Guru

We all learn from our failures, so I am using my extensive history of personal failure to help others find success in #dating, #relationships and #sex. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

It can be difficult to tell if a partner is in the mood for sex. Problem solved. Simply pop on a ‘sex hat’ whenever you feel aroused. If you are both wearing a hat, then it’s game on. Party hats are perfect for this.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Being single can be far more enjoyable than being in a relationship. You get to save money on expensive gifts and you get to cry on your own whilst masturbating instead of disappointing someone sexually.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

If you wake up and Nick Knowles is serenading you with an acoustic number called ‘Ooh, We Had Sex Last Night’ about the sex you had together last night, it could be a sign you slept with Nick Knowles last night. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Extremely loud sex can be off-putting for housemates and neighbours, so politely ask them to tone it down before returning to your microwave meal. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

There’s no need to gift expensive chocolates to a loved one when a simple handful of rhubarb stems can provide a far richer source of dietary fibre. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

@MickHogan2 Thank you Mick

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

When entering the bedroom, mimic the motions of a wild animal to heighten sexual tension. When I practice on my own, which happens a lot, I’ll pretend I’m a galloping stallion. Other times I’ll stalk the empty room, prowling like a tiger. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Blow up a balloon during sex to increase your stamina and avoid embarrassing premature orgasms. Long thin balloons are perfect for this as they require additional effort and concentration to get going. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Sex in the morning is a nice idea, but what if we then don’t have time for breakfast? Simply sprinkle muesli, or other fine cereals, into a lover’s fold or crevice and then feast during love making. Another problem solved. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Watching a crush making love with their partner for hours can be extremely frustrating if you are trapped in a cupboard, or behind curtains, waiting to surprise them with a gift on their birthday.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Having intercourse with equine animals is illegal in many countries. Do your research before pursuing. Graham. #SexAdvice

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

@laura_attridge That's what all the ladies say. I would imagine. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Discretely remove any bulky bumbags (fannypacks) if things get steamy. It will give you more space to work with. Graham. #datingtips

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

@laura_attridge When all along it was because you were too lovely. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Tried to ask a woman for her number and panicked and decided to ask her the time instead and panicked and cried at her. Graham.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Exactly, keep masturbating in front of a laptop before crying yourself to sleep until you find the perfect 'one'. Graham. #relationshiptips

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Simply view this photo to stifle any unwanted sexual thoughts. Graham. #sextips

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

@AlexLeeDee Good spot Alex. My guess is that she was just far too busy laughing and enjoying the interaction to notice the error.

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

Gents, if you're struggling to find a partner's clitoris, you might not even have a partner. Ask around if you're unsure. Graham. #SexAdvice

[Graham Dating Guru @GrahamEllington]

He's absolutely brilliant at this stuff. Engaging, witty and a master of understatement. Graham. #Datingadvice