Grandpa George: Original Hipster

I died in 1909 so I was a hipster before hipsters even existed.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

Just a reminder that all holiday celebrations are filled with cultural appropriation. You wouldn’t want to be caught doing something that didn’t originate with your own ancestors, would you?

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

Pro Tip: You cannot quote anyone who ever did anything wrong in their life. This makes it so you don’t have to study, learn, or think. It makes making your decisions even easier! Write it down, kids.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

I make sure to check my privilege every day, and when you look as good as I do, that’s an awful lot of privilege to check.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

I really do believe that it is important to have conversations about important issues. How else can I help the ignorant masses know that they’re wrong. I just wish they would shut up, while we have this conversation. Amirite?

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

I’ve found that when someone says something with which I disagree, it is effective to yell the words, “nazi”, “fascist”, or “Hitler” at them. This is called “Having a conversation about important subjects.”

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

It’s important that you don’t try to understand opposing viewpoints. Seeking to understand validates wrong opinions. It is usually best to shout down things you don’t agree with.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

When all is said and done, one of the most important things you can do for the world is to politicize every single thing you can. That will make the world a better place.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

I dress the way I do, so I can make a statement about who I am.
Also, don’t judge me by my what I’m wearing. I can’t believe you’d be so shallow.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

@RealEvilHRLady You feel that way because I do understand you—and everyone else. Its’s one of my qualities that makes me better than everyone else.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

My life is always better when I am able to blame others for the consequences of my own life decisions.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

My organic homemade gluten free animal crackers have always been free range. I don’t believe in caging in cookies, it diminishes their flavor.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

Do they make skinny jeans for people who like (fair trade/organic) chocolate? Asking for a friend.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

Remember, if you want to change the world the best things you can do are:
3. Tweet about it
2. Create a catchy new hashtag
1. Constantly look for reasons to be outraged.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

Everyone’s talking about the Purdue dorm room, but no one is asking if that wood is organic. What about that wool comforter? Ugh. I hate how everyone misses what is important in the world. In our day, we had horrible dorm rooms, but they were organically virtuous.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

Back in my day everything was organic. I still miss the feeling of having all my crops eaten by pests. It made me feel hungry and virtuous at the same time.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

Remember that your virtue is only as good as everyone else thinks it is, so make sure you trumpet your virtue everywhere you go.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

@iowahawkblog If I don’t tweet about the sufferings of others then how will everyone know that I am a better person than they are?

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

I want to only watch b&w movies because that shows I’m aesthetically superior to everyone else, but most b&w movies aren’t woke enough, so that makes them bad. Is there a way to watch woke movies through an instagram filter so I can continue to feel superior to everyone?

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

I’m the most tolerant person I know. All my friends who think exactly like me, tell me so. I’m just glad I don’t associate with those intolerant people who don’t think like me. I couldn’t tolerate it.

[Grandpa George: Original Hipster @GrandpaOriginal]

Some people ask why I don’t wear hipster glasses. The answer is simple. Even my hipster street cred is not worth covering up these dreamy eyes.
#funfactfriday