Monica 🕊

She walks in beauty // I lounge in sweatpants.
Aspirant saint, hockey fan, bit of a goof.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

B/c of grad school, there's a note on my phone listing all the times in the Bible someone got mad or stressed and told God, "You know what, if this is how things are going to be, just straight up kill me. I'd rather be dead than deal with this."
It starts with my homeboy Jonah.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

lol ☠️
#MyTwitterAnniversary

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

@calix517 "There will be wars and rumors of wars..."

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

The back-and-forth in the comments seems to be about the liturgical suitability of this behavior, but I agree from the perspective of an introvert with a degree of social anxiety. This would make me dread coming to Mass.

[Leonard J. DeLorenzo @leodelo2]

Every time I go to a parish and they do that thing before Mass where they ask everyone to stand up and introduce themselves to one another, especially to visitors, I immediately want to leave.

I think that is the opposite of the intended effect.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

Sometimes people confuse me for a college student, because I work in campus ministry and I'm still pretty young, but no one could have made that mistake tonight when we shared the highlight of our week as an icebreaker and mine was, "My credit score just crested 800."

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

@HappyPriestSis @TheHappyPriest He loves you just as much. I mean, I also get paid about it, so maybe you'll question my objectivity here, but the whole reason I get paid is specifically to tell you the truth about how much Jesus loves you, so... ya know, just chiming in.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

^ Live look at me passing two hours on hold with the claims line - a personal record. Thinking of all the souls getting out of Purgatory on this redemptive suffering.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

.@SunTrust doesn't discriminate
Between the sinners and the saints
It just takes and it takes and it takes (my time)
And I keep staying anyway
I snack & scroll apps, take a nap,
Pray a while, & play games.
If there's a reason I'm still on the line
When everyone else would resign:

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

My cat recognizes the sound of my alarm, and as soon as it goes off in the morning she jumps up onto the bed to have a conversation - greeting me, greeting the new day, chirping about the dreams she had, requesting attention, and generally being chatty. Extremely cute, 10/10.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

@7thSacramentGuy Everybody's chill and normal until it comes to database access.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

Nearly FIVE YEARS since graduating, I have just been informed by @7thSacramentGuy that as an alumna of our shared alma mater, I have had JSTOR database access THIS WHOLE TIME. Five years. This is my super villain origin story.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

Still awake at 11:40 PM on New Year's Eve, not because I'm trying to stick it out until the new year, but because 12 hours ago I put my sheets in the wash and I still haven't remade the bed - an unfortunate and deeply on brand predicament.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

My brain, every day: I HAVE DECIDED TO ASCEND TO THE NEXT LEVEL OF ANNOYING.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

I accidentally typed "neighbro" instead of "neighbor" into a talk I'm writing on the corporal works of mercy and immediately thought, "what if it were 'love your neighbro as yourself' and it were just for the fellas?"

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

Like, come on...

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

One of my students attempted (unsuccessfully) to track me down on Twitter this morning, and it was a good reminder of why I stopped tweeting for a while. As soon as they know I'm just a bunch of nonsense masquerading in a pair of Birkenstocks it's game over.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

Paging: Samwise Gamgee
Happy Hobbit Day!

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

@TheHappyPriest Big spiritual dad energy.

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

So irritating when God sends a signal grace just when I'm really hitting my stride in a spiritual temper tantrum. I'm trying to be angry over here, Dad, why are you being so supportive and encouraging?

[Monica 🕊 @GrantMeTheGrace]

Nobody:

The feathers in 2005 Charlotte Collins' hair during the visit to Rosings Park: