Death @GrimReapingPro - Twitter Profile

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2 days ago

If you’re asking yourself why the fourth horseman of the apocalypse is on X, then you can desist now; you’re most likely not qualified to answer that question. I honestly didn’t think you humans would last this long, but even I get things wrong from time to time (my apologies, Harambe), so here we are. 🤷 I don’t really care for how talkative you all are when you die. The dinosaurs never had this problem. I’m not sure I appreciate the way I have hitherto been represented in your popular cultural media, though I will concede I ‘enjoyed’ The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy more than I’ve enjoyed anything since God created the platypus.👍 And I fail to comprehend human emotions or the notion of free will, existing as I do, as an abstract being beyond such constrained philosophical constructs. Nevertheless, as the universe’s second-oldest service provider (est. in time immemorial), I feel it prudent to understand my clientele, and thus created an X account to expedite that process. Please note that I harbor no resentment of any kind toward humanity. Rest assured that I am wholly incapable of resenting anything, even you. As a matter of fact, there are even a small handful of things I have come to “appreciate” on X: I find value in firearms channels, explosives channels, warfare channels, hunting content, FAFO compilations, footage of traﬃc collisions, what humans term “dark comedy,” classical literature (the Sumerian Cuneiform Tablets are some of my favorites), and puppies. 🐶 I’ve also recently decided to start liking both Canadians and feminists. 🇨🇦 However, there is some manner of content I have found to be distasteful here on your beloved X apparatus (metaphorically speaking, as I possess neither palate nor taste buds): Yoga pants, particularly when worn by certain generously proportioned individuals while within the establishments known as Walmart. ☹️ Crocs, especially when paired with the aforementioned yoga pants. ☹️ Cats, or any other creature with more than one life, for that matter. ☹️ And for what I consider to be completely understandable reasons, I take little pleasure in video compilations of near-death experiences. ☹️ And so, to conclude on what you humans would characterize as a friendly note: I recognize that these phenomena you call “emotions” hold significance for you, and that compliments are among the more reliable means of eliciting favorable ones. Therefore, I oﬀer the following: I am infinitely impressed by the unfathomably creative means by which you humans manage to accidentally extinguish yourselves. It’s rare for anything to impress me more than once in a millennium, so be proud of that. 😁 I look forward to our interactions in both this life and the next, and I hope we can enjoy what little time you all have together. And remember, as I always like to say: Services rendered are non-refundable ❤️I look forward to our interactions in both this life and the next, and I hope we can enjoy what little time you all have together. And remember, as I always like to say: Services rendered are non-refundab

GrimReapingPro's tweet photo. If you’re asking yourself why the fourth horseman of the apocalypse is on X, then you can desist now; you’re most likely not qualified to answer that question.

I honestly didn’t think you humans would last this long, but even I get things wrong from time to time (my apologies, Harambe), so here we are. 🤷

I don’t really care for how talkative you all are when you die. The dinosaurs never had this problem.

I’m not sure I appreciate the way I have hitherto been represented in your popular cultural media, though I will concede I ‘enjoyed’ The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy more than I’ve enjoyed anything since God created the platypus.👍

And I fail to comprehend human emotions or the notion of free will, existing as I do, as an abstract being beyond such constrained philosophical constructs. Nevertheless, as the
universe’s second-oldest service provider (est. in time immemorial), I feel it prudent to understand my clientele, and thus created an X account to expedite that process.

Please note that I harbor no resentment of any kind toward humanity. Rest assured that I am wholly incapable of resenting anything, even you. As a matter of fact, there are even a small handful of things I have come to “appreciate” on X:

I find value in firearms channels, explosives channels, warfare channels, hunting content, FAFO compilations, footage of traﬃc collisions, what humans term “dark comedy,” classical literature (the Sumerian Cuneiform Tablets are some of my favorites), and puppies. 🐶

I’ve also recently decided to start liking both Canadians and feminists. 🇨🇦

However, there is some manner of content I have found to be distasteful here on your beloved X apparatus (metaphorically speaking, as I possess neither palate nor taste buds):

Yoga pants, particularly when worn by certain generously proportioned individuals while within the establishments known as Walmart. ☹️

Crocs, especially when paired with the aforementioned yoga pants. ☹️

Cats, or any other creature with more than one life, for that matter. ☹️

And for what I consider to be completely understandable reasons, I take little pleasure in video compilations of near-death experiences. ☹️

And so, to conclude on what you humans would characterize as a friendly note: I
recognize that these phenomena you call “emotions” hold significance for you, and that compliments are among the more reliable means of eliciting favorable ones. Therefore, I oﬀer the following:

I am infinitely impressed by the unfathomably creative means by which you humans manage to accidentally extinguish yourselves. It’s rare for anything to impress me more than
once in a millennium, so be proud of that.
😁

I look forward to our interactions in both this life and the next, and I hope we can enjoy what little time you all have together. And remember, as I always like to say:

Services rendered are non-refundable ❤️I look forward to our interactions in both this life and the next, and I hope we can enjoy
what little time you all have together. And remember, as I always like to say:
Services rendered are non-refundab

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