Grouchy Editor

Sarcastic remarks from a grumpy editor. Yeah, it's a satire account on all things publishing, but so what? Get back to work!

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

A good writer needs a writing degree, in my opinion, because a writing degree shows you studied the truly great writers who never had a writing degree, and you can clearly understand why you will never be one of those great writers.

#WritingCommunity #AskEditor

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Who took out all the blue checks? How the hell am I going to know who the assholes are now?

#AskEditor #Journo #TwitterBlue

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

So this is the weekend that Millennials grew up and discovered why Boomers are always so cautious. This ain’t our first crash, kiddo. Roll up your sleeves, it’s never pretty.

#SVB #Economy #AskEditor

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Uh, just to point out…

Using short-term deposits as capital for long-term investments is known as “free-market capitalism.”

Trickle trickle.

Kiss the honeymoon goodbye.

https://t.co/hrYBppt1bE

#SVB #Money #AskEditor

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

#TenQueries

We don’t have time to respond to every query and so we send a form letter back.

It’s kind of like when we asked you for an engaging, exciting, well-written story.

#AskEditor #querytip

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Quote for today:

“He (Trump) could easily destroy us if we play it wrong.” —Tucker Carlson

#FauxNews #GOP #MAGAts #AskEditor

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

#TenQueries
No, you don’t need a completed manuscript to query. It doesn’t need to be finished. I’m happy to consider it before it’s all written. Don’t feel like you have to have it done. Please, for the sake of humanity, don’t write another word!

I beg you.
#AskEditor #QueryTip

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

The reminder of just how we got to this crappy point in history. #AskEditor #journo #ukraine https://t.co/14PZtvST4D

[KyivPost @KyivPost]

Regarding @RudyGiuliani 's meetings in Kyiv on behalf of @realDonaldTrump, this Kyiv Post cover looks even more relevant today:

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Ah, hell, looking back through my tweets, five years ago I posted this. I hate when I’m right.
#AskEditor #Journo #Ukraine https://t.co/EIeLuPu473

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Ok, GOP, are you ready for this secret meeting with Putin? If they secretly divide up Czechoslavakia and Poland, I’m guessing the next step would be dissolution of Congress. You had your chance, but instead you preferred this. We’ll always have Paris.

#AskEditor #Russia #Trump

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

@unhingedwhimsy I couldn’t say. The agents seem more sober at the start of the year, but that could just be me. I know they don’t buy me as much liquor. It’s all coffee and sandwiches come January.
#WritingCommunity #AskEditor

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

@DarlingAxe “I hope you’ll forgive me for convincing you that you could ever be a decent writer. But good news, the bitterness will make you a better editor. Now get back to work!”
#AskEditor #WritingCommunity

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Thank you for your interest in writing for our line of role-playing games. Please note that we do not license our intellectual property to freelancers, as we have been planning on creating our own computer-generated crowd-funded shlock.

#AskEditor #WritingCommunity #TenQueries

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Mr. Dahl,

I wish to reconsider. Please do not make any changes to your work. We would prefer to reject it just the way it is.

#AskEditor #WritingCommunity #TenQueries

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Please note that due to the influx of AI-generated submissions, we now only accept submissions provided in hard copy and mailed via priority mail. Handwritten. In cursive. You poor bastard.

#AskEditor #WritingCommunity #TenQueries

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

The novel you submitted was clearly AI generated as we could easily see how it was scraped from the headlines of the last 20 years. And you might want to check your calendar. 1984 isn’t much of a science-fictional setting. Just saying.

#AskEditor #WritingCommunity #TenQueries

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Mr. Clemens,

We loved your book. Unfortunately, our legal department informs us that we could never get the book into Florida. Maybe if you rewrote the ex-slave as a canceled MAGA politician, we could reconsider.

#TenQueries #AskEditor #WritingCommunity

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Thank you for your submission, Mr. Dahl. Your story is not quite what we are looking for, but we’d be happy to reject it again if you would wish to make some changes.

#TenQueries #AskEditor #WritingCommunity

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

Let’s do a 2023 edition of #TenQueries. Nobody does that anymore? Told you so. It was mean. Which is why I’m going to do it! #AskEditor #WritingCommunity

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

“Unfortunately, we cannot accept AI-generated submissions, which is clearly the case here.”

Yes, that will be my new means of breaking the spirit of desperate writers. Thank you, 2023. They cruelties of the 2020s never ceases to astound me.
#AskEditor #WritingCommunity

[Grouchy Editor @GrouchEditor]

I get why you all are upset with ChatGPT. It pumps out a crappy novel in just a few minutes when it took you two years to pump out an equally crappy novel. I’d be pissed too. #AskEditor #WritingCommunity #writing