Luke Gustafson

Remarkably Average

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

Just had a dude outside Home Depot ask me where the nearest Lowe’s is. That’s an unrivaled level of brand loyalty.

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

PR 101, checkmate journalists

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

POLL: ICE has been abused by the Fake News Media at levels never seen before. They are Great Patriots who work hard, and do a fantastic job in a very hostile environment. Much of this hostility is caused by the Dumocrats and the Fake News. The concept I have had for quite some time — A strong feeling that the name of these Patriots, “ICE,” should be changed to, “NICE,” in that it will totally discombobulate Crooked, Dishonest, and Unpatriotic Reporters and Journalists. For them to say, “We went to a NICE Facility today,” as opposed to “ICE” or, “NICE Agents have deported a Violent Drug Dealer,” they won’t be able to handle it, they will go totally crazy! All it means is adding an “N” (“National”) to “ICE (“Immigration and Customs Enforcement”) — A much more prestigious name. Everyone loves it, but I have been told by the legendary Tom Homan that the Agents do not love it as much as the other population. Who thinks that we should add an “N” to change the name of “ICE” to “NICE?”

Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DJT

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

I may be a big ol’ pussy, but twist off bottle caps always hurt my hands.

[Bertil Fort @BertilFort]

À vos côtés depuis 6 ans.

Je suis candidat aux élections municipales dans le 10e pour redonner envie aux habitants de vivre #durablement dans notre arrondissement.

J’ai décidé de conduire une équipe sans étiquette, pour être libre de proposer un projet qui correspond aux attentes des habitants et de constituer une équipe composée de femmes et d’hommes engagés localement qui représentent toute la diversité de notre bel arrondissement.

C’est l’esprit fondateur de notre mouvement local « Tous inDIXpensables ».

Notre campagne sera unique !

[Bertil Fort @BertilFort]

Toute la journée à Château d’Eau - Lancry pour partager nos premières propositions pour le quartier avec les habitants :

👉 Rénover et revitaliser le marché Saint-Martin,
👉 Réaménager les boulevards de Strasbourg et Magenta,
👉 Lancer immédiatement un plan propreté et zéro tag
👉 Créer un esprit village et familial

Depuis un an, nous sommes allés à la rencontre des habitants du 10e (consultation, marches exploratoires, réunions avec les acteurs locaux..) pour construire ce projet local #AvecVous et #PourVous

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

“This banana tastes awful”
-Everyone the first time they eat a plantain

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

Gender inequality is the newest NHL team being named something badass like the Kraken and the newest WNBA team being called the Tempo.

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

@ToneDigz @PatMcAfeeShow Previous Santa was a bum. Has a magic sack of presents that floats him in and out of the chimney, but he decided to walk across a frozen roof instead. Elves knew he was a liability and couldn’t be trusted in crunch time.

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

Marguerite just asked me who Whoopi Goldberg is. What a terrible way to find out the love of your life and mother of your child has never seen Sister Act OR Sister Act 2: Back In The Habit.

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

Ten years with Marguerite and I just found out that Squidward’s name is Carlos in the French version of SpongeBob

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

CEASE & DESIST: I, together with many Attorneys and Legal Scholars, am watching the Sanctity of the 2024 Presidential Election very closely because I know, better than most, the rampant Cheating and Skullduggery that has taken place by the Democrats in the 2020 Presidential Election. It was a Disgrace to our Nation! Therefore, the 2024 Election, where Votes have just started being cast, will be under the closest professional scrutiny and, WHEN I WIN, those people that CHEATED will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law, which will include long term prison sentences so that this Depravity of Justice does not happen again. We cannot let our Country further devolve into a Third World Nation, AND WE WON’T! Please beware that this legal exposure extends to Lawyers, Political Operatives, Donors, Illegal Voters, & Corrupt Election Officials. Those involved in unscrupulous behavior will be sought out, caught, and prosecuted at levels, unfortunately, never seen before in our Country.

[Big Cat @BarstoolBigCat]

It is in fact not coming home

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

Georges is not sleeping well and so Marguerite is having a very serious conversation in French with a four month old baby.

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

My normal running path crossed with the path of a half marathon and it really felt like stolen valor getting cheered on.

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

Babies are wild because they will be all fussy and then shit their pants and be like, “ahh thats better” and then fall asleep.

[mark normand @marknorm]

Breakfast in bed means someone cares about you. Dinner in bed means you're so very alone

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

Got asked “who is this?” Five times by three people during the Jack Harlow halftime show.

[Michael Lombardi @mlombardiuncgm]

Incredible knot. The streak stays in tact. So dam consistent

[Luke Gustafson @GukeyLust]

Took my nephew to a trampoline park and it was a resounding success. Came out with a fully intact child, both ACL’s, and the reassurance that I can still do a backflip.

[Sahib Singh @sahibcantsingh]

is 5’11” the straightest height for men to be?