certified B🇮🇪D

welcome to my little diary! (terrible! no good! BAD!!)

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

Heavily vexed rn

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

I’m just a girl! I need the pills that make u normal and the shots that get u skinny

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

THEY CLOSED BARTINI WE CAN NEVER GI BACK TO 1999

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

today’s slop is tomorrows crusted sludge

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

A decorated veteran of the first and second Sandy Liang x Baggu wars

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

I feel the Russian Revolution autism taking root in my mind

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

I am like the small town millenial version of Mary Tyler Moore

[Mia “GIRT” Lastname @themiasandrist]

Devastated.

[Roger Boylan @BoylanRoger]

James Joyce ruminating.

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

hold on… this is giving me a *sketch comedy* idea

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

Portland improv bingo (u lose):
- Unbrushed party city wig
- Spanking
- Someone’s a baby
- Horny (not funny)
- Dogpile
- Floor writhing (u cant see)
- Going “downstairs”

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

Portland improv bingo (u lose):
- Unbrushed party city wig
- Spanking
- Someone’s a baby
- Horny (not funny)
- Dogpile
- Floor writhing (u cant see)
- Going “downstairs”

[𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 @int6wn]

soft launching my disappearance

[Charli @charli_xcx]

if you get me, you get me and if you don’t, you don’t. and thats ok <3

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

The French barman is going to hit on u and kiss u on the cheek, it’s just his nature it’s not a crime

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

Applying lip liner isn’t hard u just have to do it 150,000 times

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

The Erika v Dorit Chanel makeup kit moment would never happen to me. I’ll pawn it! fuck u!

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

This ISNT jail!!!!

[certified B🇮🇪D @GushyProctor]

Doing my immigrant-ly duty and working 4 jobs at one time

[Boob Jobs, Founder and CEO @cool_hot_woman]

sorry guys I don't really know the difference between a lutheran and an episcopalian. growing up I was told to cross the street if I saw a protestant

[RuPaul @RuPaul]

Hard to remain patient with friends who focus solely on their own crucifixion. Get off The Cross, girl... we could use the wood!