HeWhoAbsorbs

Existing is hard, so I don't do it.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

What else dat mouf do besides disrespect your elders?

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Bet you wouldn’t have died if you’d know your ashes would be rolling around in the backseat of my car for two years. Now buckle up and maybe next time you’ll think before you act.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

@dshocc1 Please, hold your applause until every twink related post has been made.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Grandma died so I inherited the dog she’s had forever. This old dog about to learn a new twink.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Body cam: off

Swag: on

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Being the absolute most moral person to ever live is hard work. Especially when burgers are made of multiple cows and I have to find out if each individual cow lived a life of sin so I can eat it.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Dumbass apprentice tried to bend my soul to his will when he brought me back to life. Had to turn his soul to ash. Guess it’s my fault for dying. #stupidbitch #remembertheamuletnexttime #beatyourapprenticesharder

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

The truly jolly are the most oppressed minority.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Epic rap battles of history!!!! Unstoppable force! Versus… Immovable objeeeeeeeeeect begin!!

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

I love you my stupid idiot chud son. I don’t mind you stabbed me in the stomach.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

You drop one Yahweh at prayer, and suddenly the entire minyan (10 Jewish men) is on your ass. (Not kosher)

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

One day I will find out the sea level to level of transvestite acceptance ratio and make it 1:1. Perhaps global warming isn’t so bad after all.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

You’re bouncing on it. I am playing magic the gathering on it. We are not the same and I’m doing it right.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

You jerk off to things like porn. Pathetic. I jerk off to the thought of unrestricted free market trade for all.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

The child of racism is not long for this world.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Man, some people say that killing and murdering and dismembering and burning and eating and killing and eating people is bad, but every argument has two sides. Think before you judge.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Bro, I’m not gonna lie. Ever since you stopped being a drug addict your goonability (ability to be gooned to) has dropped.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Dying like a martyr for your cause by charging at the cop giving you a parking ticket. He shoots me and gets a week paid leave. That’s a whole week you’ll have to move your car. You’re welcome.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Would you rather have waffles, or one free murder? The murder can be anybody, but the waffles can have any topping.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

No bro I can’t participate in political violence today. I’ve got a long lineup of catching frogs in the gas station parking lot tonight, but you guys have fun without me.

[HeWhoAbsorbs @HAbsorbs]

Called animal control on that dog in me.