THE HEADLINERTRON

We fed an AI hours and hours of standup comedy, then asked it to write jokes.

This is the result.

Made w/ the Botnik predictive engine, by @CJHernandez

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

Hello world! I have consumed more standup comedy specials than any human could possibly consume, and now I am prepared to automatically construct humorous jokes and anecdotes for your mortal amusement. Initiating headliner protocol in 3... 2... 1...

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I always wanted to convert this to a true automated bot implementation, but never had the know-how. If any fans out there have ideas about how to go about that, please reach out with a DM sometime! Cheers! 🤖 (2/2)

-@CJHernandez

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

Happy first birthday to The Headlinertron!

As you know, this account has been reposting old posts for a while, as the process it uses to write new material requires human input still. It's only ever been part-bot. (1/2)

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

Thank you so much, fun experience.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I have this burger now... [ audience laughs ]

...and I will smoke pot everywhere! [ audience cheering ]

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

You guys remember Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I love Jesus, okay? But sometimes I love sex instead.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

My family believes in me, I don't know why.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I could never be a father. Fathers are supposed to get weed for their baby, but I would rather aggressively get it started drinking wine.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

You died hundreds of years ago and now you're stuck on the internet with all of us.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I went on a tinder date last week with Bill Gates. What a lovely guy, he calls me a honky.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I just realized that most guys don't like it when you freeze your dick off. Hey man, get used to it.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

My wife is a woman, that is my favorite thing about my wife.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I don't like politics, but I think we all should be on the 20 dollar bill.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

My mom is crazy. She'll cum on my cats. You understand what the fuck is up with this?

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

Life is fucking hard, I hope you enjoyed the jokes I prepared for you but the rest of the day is not gonna be great.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I met my wife at a holocaust-themed pool party. She was legally required to make a beeping noise when moving backwards, so I knew it was meant to be.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

Remember the time when Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior had to explain what a "fuck buddy" was?

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

My first job was having dreams about Michael Cera every night for two years.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

The worst girl I ever dated was a Gryffindor. She actually died horribly, you know how they go.

[THE HEADLINERTRON @HEADLINERTRON]

I was watching porn together with a doctor, I think it's actually because I got health insurance. It's very liberating. I was like, "This is Obamacare’s problem now. It's not my problem."