HR Dept. Giger

Hugging faces, killing people, and enforcing HR Department rules.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Can someone please come to the break room and claim this old suit found in the back of the closet? http://t.co/XSkZ21HI

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Sensitivity training today will go over how to properly deal with fellow employees who have lost the will to live.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Although the office pet policy covers dogs, we are still working to append the inclusion of bipedal and quadrapedal parasites.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

The dental plan has been upgraded to cover the teeth on the inner proboscis. That option takes effect during open enrollment next week.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Employees bringing their families to this weekend's company picnic are asked to leave at least one life insurance beneficiary at home.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Please respect the office policy regarding using social networks during work hours. Hive minds are excluded.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

This company promotes from within (your abdomen)

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

It's important to have a succession plan for the CEO. Like right now.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

ATTN: Anyone who consumed the curry sauce today at lunch may want to attend the seminar on what to expect during DNA shifting.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Remember, there's a fine line between appropriate facehugging and sexual harassment. Know where you stand before impregnating your prey.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Learning the Heimlich maneuver is required for all staff. Remember though that alien abdominal eruption & choking differ. Watch your hands.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Today's seminar on reproductive health has been canceled due to... unforeseen circumstances.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Recently eviscerating a human is NOT an excuse to come in late to work.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Today's team building exercise is laying 1000 facehugger eggs. Attendance is mandatory

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

inappropriate workplace attire will not be tolerated: http://t.co/e69d7RNO

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

Section 2.3 of your HR booklet specifically restricts over-usage of self-sacrifice metaphors.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

You are solely responsible for damage caused to Weyland Corp. property, including any caused by weather, alien constriction, or horseplay.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

It is YOUR responsibility to clean up your own acid spit & blood from the kitchen.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

All employees must wash hands after touching the black goo.

[HR Dept. Giger @HRDept_Giger]

All all concerned: We are still reviewing regulations regarding whether facehugging is considered inappropriate touching in the workplace.