Harris Roth

Hungry dogs run faster

[Doug Heinz @dougheinz]

I try to keep my distance from the predictable, low-rent theater of the modern culture wars. It’s a sucker’s game played by grifters and bought by fools. But I have a lifelong, visceral allergy to world-class assholes, which brings us to Aubrey Huff...the internet’s loudest self-appointed guardian of traditional Christian values.

Before Huff found his current calling as a digital moralist, he won a couple of rings in San Francisco. And on a fog-choked Saturday afternoon in the winter of 2010, I got a front-row seat to the exact brand of "traditional values" he brings to the table.

The Giants had just secured the World Series. A dozen of us had staked out a massive back booth at the Tipsy Pig to celebrate a friend’s 26th birthday. If you spent any time in the Marina back then, you knew the Pig was a place where there was likely to be a lot of attractive women. And like flies to a fresh carcass, you could always count on Aubrey Huff and Pat Burrell to roll in, blind-drunk on their own hype, scanning the room for any woman with self-esteem low enough to accommodate their egos.

Our birthday girl was easy on the eyes herself. The second she walked through the door, Huff’s eyes locked onto her like a heat-seeking missile. He barked some low-grade line as she passed, but she didn’t even blink. She just slid into the booth with us.

"You know who that was?" someone whispered. "That’s Aubrey Huff."

She looked entirely vacant. "Who?"

"The baseball player. For the Giants."

"Oh."

You could have told her the guy stocked shelves Safeway; the indifference would have been identical. But Huff was a man accustomed to the easy currency of a championship uniform. Like a starving dog staring at a hambone behind glass, he couldn't let it go. He slithered over, squeezed his way into the back of our booth, and spent fifteen minutes breathing the fifth stale beer he'd drank into her face, trying to buy an ounce of her attention.

As those 15 brutally dull minutes passed, he lost his patience and just leaned in to whisper something in her ear. She just shook her head and said, "No."

What happened next was a masterclass in fragile, athletic entitlement. Huff didn't slide out of the booth like a normal human being who had just swung and missed. His brain completely short-circuited. He stood straight up on the bench, took a casual tabletop stroll directly across our plates of food, stepped over my shoulder, and vanished back into the crowd. A grown man, throwing a silent, mid-afternoon tantrum because a 26-year-old wouldn't validate his existence.

We sat there stunned. "What did he just say to you?"

She shrugged. "He leaned in and asked, 'Are you DTF?' I said no, and then he did...whatever that was."

It was a hilarious story at the time—the ultimate tale of a professional athlete’s ego collapsing under the weight of a simple "no." But the humor curdles when you look at the ledger. Huff was married then. He was wearing his wedding ring while running his pathetic little pickup routines. He had a wife and two young kids sitting at home.

Years later, Huff published a book blaming the wreckage of his marriage on anxiety, depression, and the bottle. But anyone who drank in the bars around SoMa or the Marina knew the truth: Huff’s favorite off-field sport was hunting for women drunk enough to overlook his personality.

There is an ironclad, algorithmic certainty to the universe: the louder a man screams about his righteous, traditional family values on the internet, the more likely he is to be running a sleazy side-hustle in the dark—or getting caught begging 23-year-old influencers for "cocktails and bad decisions" on Christmas Day. Huff claims he got sober and found the light, but all he really did was trade one addiction for another, swapping chemical dependence for the cheap high of online grievance.

Now I guess he's angry at hats.

At least one thing is consistent, Aubrey Huff remains exactly what he’s always been: a world-class asshole.

[Chef Joe Gera 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇮🇹 @redhotnerd]

Spencer, I wasn’t going to do this. It’s not worth my time. Seriously. But your dinner check the other night was $682 . Hope that helps. Don’t be a dick to the service staff where you stay. I’ve got your breakfast order, and the list of made up food allergies you claim. You’re just lying; stop. @TMZ

[NBA Shane @Shane00]

Tonight's game is the perfect example of how the ring argument is insanely stupid

Teams win, not players

[NBA Shane @Shane00]

No lies told

[Rollo @SportsRollo]

Prime Michael Jordan in 93 was down 2-0 to New York.

in an away game he wet the bed and shot 3/18 in his prime.

Read that again. 16% from the field.

Free throws got him into the 20s.

Scottie Pippen's monster game saved the Bulls and the series.

[Dean Withers @itsdeaann]

I’m tired of just sitting on this info. 6 months ago CBS flew me out to DC for an in person debate over the Trump Administration, they paid for everything ranging from my travel expenses to a 4 person camera crew. The conversation was moderated by Maurice DuBois.

As you could imagine, this debate didn’t go well for my MAGA opponent, and I was very effective at demonstrating the failures and wrongdoings of Trump & his administration, including things the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know.

Coincidentally, it was filmed RIGHT before Bari Weiss took over. And in my opinion, it seems she canned the whole production to censor the truth.

I have reached out to my contact at CBS multiple times over the course of the last 6 months to see what happened to the production, and haven’t gotten a response.

@CBS, what’s going on???

[MeidasTouch @MeidasTouch]

MAGA accounts tweet in unison about the need for a White House ballroom following WHCD incident

[Clash Report @clashreport]

Pete Hegseth quoted a fake Bible verse from Pulp Fiction during a Pentagon sermon.

[Barry @BarryOnHere]

LeBron James has 13,378 more points, 6,881 more rebounds & 7,427 more assists than Michael Jordan in 660 more games.

"Longevity" you say. Not impressive.

To match LeBron's current career totals, MJ would have to come out of retirement (again) and average the following over 660 games:

20.3 PPG - 10.4 RPG - 11.3 APG - 65.8% TS

MJ would have to produce like a more efficient version of Magic Johnson for over 8 STRAIGHT SEASONS, on top of what he already did, to match LeBron's career.

LeBron will never be as loved as Jordan, but he is the superior player.

[Mike Levin @MikeLevin]

I’ve been in Congress through divided governments, bitter fights, and historic crises. I’ve never seen anything like the last 24 hours.

Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson killed Republican Senate Majority Leader John Thune’s bipartisan deal to fund the TSA, Coast Guard, and FEMA. 

It was a deal that had the support of Senate Republicans and Democrats alike, 100-0!

Why?

Because Johnson places his own political survival and fealty to Trump over all else, including long waits at airports or anything else.

We could have passed it in the House easily if only Johnson had allowed the vote to proceed. But instead he blew up the whole thing.

Where this goes next is anyone’s guess, but what’s very clear is that Johnson is the worst and most subservient speaker in modern American history.

[Josh Reynolds @JoshReynolds24]

I’ve been going back & forth with my words since this happened, but I just can’t get over it…

In what world is this not a foul on SGA? This would have been the 3rd foul on him… Thunder challenge this & it’s somehow overturned.

What the hell are we doing @OfficialNBARefs?

[Bishop Talbert Swan @TalbertSwan]

A former Fox News host, who paid to settle a sexual assault case, is Secretary of the Department of Defense.

The former head of World Wrestling Entertainment, who is accused of covering up the sexual abuse of minors, is over the Department of Education.

A heroin addict accused of sexual assault by the family babysitter, is over the Department of Health & Human Services.

A cattle rancher with a two year community college degree has been nominated as secretary of Homeland Security.

A convicted felon and adjudicated rapist is president of the yet-to-be United States.

Y’all need to shut up about Black people being ‘DEI hires.’

[Mr. Sausage @MrSausageGet]

June 2025: “Iran’s key nuclear facilities have been totally obliterated”

February 2026: “We must start a war with Iran to obliterate their nuclear facilities”

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

I’ll save you some time on the State of the Union:

• It’s Joe Biden’s fault
• Transgender for everyone
• Prescription drugs down 1500%
• Tariffs are making us rich
• Border invasion
• We are the hottest country in the world
• Canada = 51st state
• Some gibberish
• Something about Greenland
• Nobody’s ever seen anything like it
• Fake news
• Still Joe Biden’s fault
• Witch hunt
• Rigged election
• I know more about everything than anybody
• More gibberish
• Greatest economy ever

Am I missing anything?

[Marianne Williamson @marwilliamson]

Just so everyone is clear: Obama already had an Iran Nuclear Deal. Trump ripped it up when he came into office, choosing a policy of "maximum pressure" instead. So now he's saying we might go to war in order to get an Iran Nuclear Deal.
You cannot make this stuff up.

[EerieDawgs @216SuperBrowns]

It’s funny how badly LeBron used to dominate MJ in advanced metrics. It got so bad that Bball Reference had to change them.

As a Bron fan this is probably the most infuriating thing of all. So here you go.

Don’t let them forget that LeThanos broke their little stats like toys so bad they had to rewrite the multiverse to save golden boy MJ 🙏🤣

Heres top 20 single season VORP and BPM leaders in regular season and playoffs.

(I’m going to show you all the changes including career overall if MJ and Bron. It’s bad 😬)

[UFO Hunter @iamufohunter]

🚨 These Epstien mails contains serious allegations about Trump Raping minors.

These Epstein mails have been deleted from the DOJ website.

You can find them on Jmail, they archived it .

[Tim White @TimWhiteRI]

NEW: Hockey rink shooter Robert Dorgan was the father of Kevin Colantonio, who was convicted of setting fire to a predominantly Black church in RI in 2024.

Sources tell Target 12 Colantonio was influenced by Dorgan's far-right ideology. w/ @Eli_Sherman
https://t.co/hoNlBvBpcA

[Harris Roth @HRoth063079]

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