xyn backwards

《 divinity in motion 》

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

celebratory heartbreak hotel 🥳

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

that is all, bye bye!!

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

hi guys,

today i’m graduating from college with a degree in engineering 🎓

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

you’re part of the reason why i was able to keep going even through dark times. mashallah i’ve made it out @ATEEZofficial

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

i need to tell my friend this lol

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

i’m just so excited cause this place holds so much toxicity in my life and slowly letting it go and growing past it means a lot fr. it’s like i’m really growing into who i am healthily

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

reaching my final form as a person

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

@bunmatz that’s okay. they irritate me but it’s not something major like i’m not gonna d!e bc of a priv qrts lol. thank you for understanding though, i really appreciate it

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

yes, but i tweeted that because atinys ruin ateez for me even though i don’t hate them. i would look at him and think about how yall suck 😭 yes kpop is just music, however my personal attachment to said genre and the group is much deeper than that

[Honey ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა @bunmatz]

Aren't you the one who tweeted smth about how you couldn't even look at hj the same? 😭 it's great if it's something you don't need to /rely/ on, I'm truly happy for you for that, but it's still music, you can still enjoy music imo after not relying on it

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

twinkle twinkle

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ijbol i feel like im graduating or aging up like a sim

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@MATZSANG @bunmatz like i’ve gone outside and lived, why be attached to this stuff anymore especially since im in a better headspace now..

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

@MATZSANG @bunmatz that’s really what i’ve realized. a lot of fandom shit i see on here doesn’t matter to me or doesn’t align with how i want to live my life. i don’t want to get offended over small things or blow up minuscule things. this stuff isn’t serious and it shouldn’t be treated as such 😭

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

it took 4 years to do so because i was SO ATTACHED TO THEM. i can’t immediately drop someone i actually like

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

this is really it. i don’t need to cling to a depressing attachment anymore. i want to move on from that life and i feel like im mentally stable enough to do so 😭😭😭😭

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

it sounds corny but ateez helped me stay on this earth when i was having conversations with death himself. i’m no longer mentally ill to the point where i need to figuratively be held down by them and stan twt anymore. i’ve grown up and recovered !!

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

@bunmatz i can live with kpop but not with the current attachment i have with it. i would really have to start fresh all over again and rework everything in the same way ive done with everything else in my life.

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

@bunmatz cause i do have negative feelings but it’s mainly due to the fandom. this has been a 4 year long process of me outgrowing a life and mindset i lived while depressed. i feel like im finally starting to LIVE like I HAVE A FUTURE ! this is the main thing i have left behind

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

@MATZSANG @bunmatz i experienced this too. the more i go outside the more i realize i don’t want to be like a lot of the people on here. i know what i want and who i want to be in life, and i don’t want to be surrounded by the opposite of that even if it’s just online

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

@bunmatz @MATZSANG it’s been a years-long process. i have such an unhealthy connection to stan twt and kpop in general that the farther away from it i get the more irl improves…it is that bad

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

this is partially how it is for me. i got into stan twt when i was severely depressed. i lost interest in everything and solely relied on fandom culture and whatnot. it kept me alive but it didn’t improve my mental health and life outside the way i wanted to

[☆ VOTE ATEEZ FOR AMAs @MATZSANG]

I thought when ppl said this most of the time they meant they’ve outgrown the parasocialism and fandom culture. That they don’t feel the need to engage with things outside of the music.

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

@bunmatz thats why i offer to explain it in dm. it’s much deeper than it seems and it’s been going on for years

[xyn backwards @HVPNOSlS]

@bunmatz well i have thoughts on that too but that entire instance is what made me realize im finally detaching from something that’s personally unhealthy 😭 i don’t hate ateez. i’m very grateful for them even when i’ll fully move on from them