dãn

ugh

[dãn @Hackett05]

I’m sat at the back of the bus (cool) drinking cans (cool) out of a Sainsbury’s bag (uncool) wearing a cardigan (uncool) blasting music through headphones (cool) listening to Meatloaf (uncool)

Overall: cool neutral

[dãn @Hackett05]

Go go gadget bosoms

[dãn @Hackett05]

arse

[dãn @Hackett05]

dreamt I was being chased by Sauron through a budget hotel

(logging out again now for another six months)

[dãn @Hackett05]

fantastic day to be a mouse living in the london underground

[dãn @Hackett05]

someone should gently introduce dogs to alcohol down multiple generations so their livers get used to it then we can get pissed with them

[dãn @Hackett05]

a motorcycle just revved it’s engine and a man on my bus did an accidental little scream

[dãn @Hackett05]

come on hurricane smash us up you wot you wot

[dãn @Hackett05]

this tweet is sheer tomfoolery, of course - you cant get a bee sacked. theyre all unionised

[dãn @Hackett05]

this honey tastes like crap. gunna find the bee in charge of this batch and get him sacked

[dãn @Hackett05]

fifth law of thermodynamics: whenever I board any public transport and choose a seat, a floppy howling baby will spontaneously materialise two seats away

[dãn @Hackett05]

London at 5am and the only people wondering streets are goths ?

[dãn @Hackett05]

dreamt I lived at a zombie apocalypse refugee camp and I absent-mindedly cracked open the toilet window to air it out after my morning dump and all the zombies got in

[dãn @Hackett05]

lol

[The Independent @Independent]

Michael Gove celebrates 'stamping on toothless face of northerners' in resurfaced speech

[dãn @Hackett05]

what is it that’s so magical and sparkly about a wink. somebody winks at you and you immediately like them. I am going to practise my winking today with everyone I meet

[dãn @Hackett05]

dreamt I went to jurassic park but all they had in the cages was ewoks and millipedes

[dãn @Hackett05]

imagine being that bloke in Wuhan tucking into a nice bit of bat on your lunch break, and a time traveller appears and tells you if you have one more bite you’ll set off a worldwide chain reaction culminating in the death of Meatloaf

[dãn @Hackett05]

the Great Dantsby

[dãn @Hackett05]

standing in my bedroom window, one hand in my pocket, one hand on the glass, pondering life’s journey, looking out over Streatham, tearing one off at regular intervals

[dãn @Hackett05]

“O great and powerful Knowledge, we ask of thee—”

[I shove a virgin out of a helicopter into the fiery hell of an erupting volcano]

“—what is the collective noun for a load of badgers?”

[dãn @Hackett05]

imagine if we had Wikipedia but anytime somebody wants to use it and access The Font of Human Knowledge we have to ceremonially sacrifice someone