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Many are far from the reality of what others are going through.
Two truths can coexist: people are genuinely struggling, and there is still hope.
Yes life is hard for many including myself.
Yes there is still a ray of hope
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Some people probably thought I was ignoring them, but no be me oo. We just found out na Elon Musk cause am. See how everywhere is nice. No random posts for TL… intentional only to people you want to engage.
Dear Digital Diary,
It is one of those days and I have not slept a wink.
Anyway, I found a new word, otrovert, and I have been thinking about it because I think this might actually be me.
I do not belong anywhere, but not in a sad way or a nobody wants me kind of way. I just honestly do not think I have ever wanted to belong to a group, and I hate the thought of herd mentality or hive control.
That being said, I have individual friends from different groups and I sort of skirt through all of them. I can enter a group, gist, laugh, have a wonderful time and leave. I know somebody here, somebody there and still have a friend in another group somewhere else, but I am not really part of any of the groups.
The funny thing is that I actually like people and I love to socialise. I go out, see people, talk, laugh and just enjoy myself, have a wonderful time, then I come home completely drained. I actually need days to recover and I stop picking calls or answering texts.
I think this is the part I have always found difficult to explain to people. I enjoyed myself, but I need to go back to become myself and it takes a while. That is honestly so weird.
If I go out on Saturday and have the most amazing time, I need Sunday and Monday to recover from Saturday.
Kai, what kind of life is this? How does one say I love people, but I get tired of people without being offensive? How does one say my body and mind hurt after being around people? That the lights and the sounds hurt me, that emotions break me. That because of this, I have learnt to like my own company.
I am not lonely in my own company, and I think there is a difference. I can be alone and be perfectly fine, not needing to constantly fill the space with people. In fact, I need that space. I need to return to myself after being around people.
Anyway, let us go back to groups. I have also never really understood this idea of these are my people, so I must have no other people and my people must have no other people. I have always belonged to many people at the same time, while somehow not really belonging anywhere. I have friends here, friends there, one person from this group and another person from another group. I can love individually without feeling the need to join anything.
I can skirt through groups without belonging to them, and I think I have done this all my life. I enjoy, I laugh, I connect, then I leave. There is no sadness attached to the leaving. I am not standing outside wishing somebody would invite me back in. Most times, I am quite happy to go home. 😂 Home is my happy place, my safe place where I bind the wounds from the sights and sounds.
Maybe that is why this word caught my attention. Otrovert.
I enjoy people. I just do not need to belong to the group. I come, I enjoy myself, I leave, I recover, then when I am ready, I come out again.
Maybe I finally found the word for it.
Eme,
the Little Miss Witch of Internal Chaos and External Gratitude.