Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸

Half man, Half amazing.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

How much do you spend on tissue paper when your girlfriend visits? Last time I did the arithmetic it was Sh1 million a weekend abs when I’m alone it’s around Sh50 there a whole month? The fuck is wrong with these people?

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Walimdinya, that’s how they traumatize the victims. Unapigwa miti refu vibaya sana.

[The People’s President @bonifacemwangi]

Abductions and torture are back in Kenya. Davis Lichuma was found almost naked, and badly tortured. He is so traumatized that he can barely speak.

No Kenyan should be abducted and tortured for exercising their constitutional rights. This is how dictatorship starts, and we must resist this Ruto’s regime Gestapo tactics. #EndAbductionsKE

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

What’s wrong with Subaru drivers when they spot a Mercedes ahead? Kijana I’m pita uende. Not everyone wants to race, until it’s decided so. Umesamehewa, pita and go brag! Through pass!

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Leave that man alone, it’s evident he was good at his job.

[CNN @CNN]

A former Air Canada pilot faces criminal charges for flying tens of thousands of passengers for nearly 17 years with a fake pilot's license, Canadian police announced. https://t.co/mW6pnJDnT0

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

If you’re used to driving a Mercedes you feel the same shit when you’re given any other car like Toyota. The experience is shitty I understand why you said that. Different strokes of engineering.

[TurboDiesel @alexmwanzo]

Mercedes is stupid as shit
.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Packed outside the club, after sometime walked out to go pick something from the car, I couldn’t find it where I packed, boss I was punching my head, soul went cold. Called bouncers, gave them NP, they searched & found it😮‍💨, had packed far &forgot. Never sobered up that quick!

[Brian Mbunde ™ @Brianmbunde]

Unaenda concert na gari, unarudi na Uber😭😭😭😭. Wueh!!! Gari mzima inapotea inabidi umeitafuta chini ya gari zingine.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

@hopemidah When you didn’t finish the job

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

GLE is such a beauty but Nairobi ruined it, all conmen in town are driving it. I just hate it. You ruined a nice car.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

If you didn’t copyright it, it’s now going to be real dreams and nightmares for you coz you ain’t getting nothing!

[MeekMill @MeekMill]

So @nike just gone take my whole brand and mash it up with LeBron ... what is this ... why wouldn't anybody holler at me about this? I thought the sneaks was fake? Wassup with this?

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

It’s more than that, most men have a fetish of fucking porn stars.

[Tracy Wathira 👑 @badtingt]

Let me tell you guys , aki pregnancy fetish is VERY real 😭 ever since my baby bump started showing, the amount of men wanting to step up and Seriously simping has genuinely doubled. I’m confused 🤣can someone explain this ?

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Once you stop drinking, you’ll wonder where your money disappeared to. I don’t no but dint be fooled that you’ll save money once you stop drinking, that money goes too.

[Moriö @tebogstaT]

Alcohol wastes a lot of money.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Driving actually calms me down I don’t know how it happens but it does.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Mungu akiamua kukufungulia njia hata wewe utashtuka.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Ain’t nothing like old or new money. Money is money, blow it in what makes you happy. Usijifanye unasave

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

@KaleNeyole Clearly the guy narrating either doesn’t own a car or is plainly dumb. These unfortunate stuff do happen like when you’re hurrying to the petrol station then it cuts before you get there. Anyone who can afford such a car can damn well afford fuel without checking the price

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

@DailyLoud She was trying to set him up, remember Kev is a victim of lgtbq backlash after a previous joke that cost him the Oscars.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Bottles down, we start all over again next month, the liver has to take a rest, it’s going to be a long month without rest.

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

This was a heavy hit. Sleep well Baba!

[Duke 🇰🇪 🇺🇸 @HalfLuo]

Nini Wacera wanted Robert Burale to fuck her but instead dude conned her Sh250K and didn’t fuck her. At this point I’m wondering is this a strict businessman or a full blown fag? Nini Wacera? Cmon punk ass!

[Luna M ✨ @tiredfeminist_]

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a clean cut on a sandwich… This is a serial killer