Nap Queen Hannah

High maintenance and low patience

[Yeezyrih @Yeeezyrih]

Like I said. Ye went to Paris and got his damn daughter lol she’s now in Tampa, Florida for his concert.

[Max @welp_max]

he’s dead ass modern day Diana

[ׅ❦ @cursdpanda]

an ibuprofen vape would go crazy af

[Annalyn Grace 💫 @annalyngraceful]

Since the Odyssey isn’t inviting influencers to the premiere, I think they should invite high school English teachers

[𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 @homemakinghunny]

If you love getting up to wipe someone’s bum in the middle of drinking your morning coffee then motherhood is definitely for you.

[Donhammed Trumpistan @TheRealDon85]

Shout out to Charlie Kirk for finally not saying anything racist on Juneteenth. What a turning point

[refriedbuttsects @refriedbuttsect]

i’m still #never forgiving einstein i don’t care if he invented math that island had nothing to do with math

[Laundry Del Rey @moontruther34]

It’s cool that I get to learn stuff alongside my kids because I’m honestly so fucking stupid

[Rituparna Chatterjee @MasalaBai]

I saw a reel where a woman said "where are the trad wives who are 40, 50 years old? Why aren't they making these barefoot in the kitchen videos? Why is it always a 20 something year old?" Every woman knows the answer.

[Dixon Uranus @RealDixonUranus]

"Tell them to put 'probably gay' in the headline."

[Jenni @hashjenni]

It seems like Mamdani doesn’t even have an office he just works the streets like a smiling genie granting common wishes

[Andy Malafarina @andymalafarina]

All the pajama pants at Walmart were at half mast today.

[tomato girl @visceraldream]

i believe in vaccines and hormonal birth control and red dye 40 . like fuck it

[Jack @GayLaVie]

IF YOU’RE IN LINE TO EAT THE PAINT CHIPS FLAKING OFF THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL REFLECTING POOL, STAY IN LINE

[The Chungus @DiegoChunguss]

@FreddyLA7 Us: I wonder what Freddy is up to

Freddy:

[av @avbebopother]

hey really quickly to the girl dads, if you have young girls ALWAYS come to the women’s restroom, us girls do NOT care, we don’t care that you’re protecting your girls and making sure they’re safe, a WOMAN will never ever argue with you about that, protect your girls, always!!!!!

[Rebekah Jones @GeoRebekah]

Girl dads:

Do not bring little girls into the men's room. We do not want little girls exposed to adult, male genitals.

You are welcome to bring your girl(s) into the women's restroom.

Just give a knock, say you're a girl dad coming in, and you'll be fine.

[Rev. Dr. Twink @Tanqueeray]

Put them on The White Lotus I’m so serious

[Jul @_jeweliet]

Accidentally let a “be careful!” slip while at the park with children and was lectured by someone telling me that phrasing is harmful for their development 😭 girl get off the internet

[death angel @angel_0f_deathx]

I think Michelle Obama should be legally allowed to kill like three people per year minimum