han 🦎

*has hazards lights on indefinitely* she/her

[oatmeal influencer @acechhh]

bears falling off brooks falls volume 2

[Audrey Horne Updates and Rumors @credenzaclear2]

"you tweet too much" ok would you tell leonardo dicaprio he painted too much?

[wint @dril]

just clicking my mouse a bit. having a look at my files

[Carey O'Donnell @ecareyo]

Calling every person I see in public today “chef” because I watched two episodes of The Bear

[Ben Rosen @ben_rosen]

my wife: can you get me a glass of water
me, just watched the bear: YES CHEF ONE WATER ALL DAY
my wife: you don’t have to-
me: CORNER

[Danny Pellegrino @DannyPellegrino]

Me at my desk all day

[Dog Solution @DogSolutions]

It is proper equittete to tip doag

[wint @dril]

see this watch? i got it by Crying. my car? crying. my beautiful wife? Crying. My perfect teeth? Crying. now get the fuck out of my office

[Cher @cher]

Sorry I’ve Been MIA.
Been having Personal Problems

[Alex Dobrenko @Dobrenkz]

Ugh punxsutawney phil couldn’t solve the Wordle so we’re gonna have another year of Covid :(

[charlie @chunkbardey]

the fact that i buy whole black peppercorns in bulk and refill my pepper grinder ….. academy award for being good at stuff

[Lindsay Zoladz @lindsayzoladz]

embarrassed for the human race that Joni Mitchell had to find out who Joe Rogan is

[summer 🖕 @salesforcechild]

hi

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

DOCTOR: It says here you took 3 years off to "soak in tub" ?
ME: (pleasantly) Yes, due to my agonies.

[han 🦎 @hannahminnesota]

@spiewarc garbage can for the one inside, trash can for the ones inside