harry breitner

my brain is a genius

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

your tinder date read one (1) Wikipedia article about trees

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

@eringraye erin did not think it was sexy when *I* was smoking a cheap cigar after we won

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

@eringraye the way I knew this was gonna be a picture of tyler kolek

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

could probably do it twice

[𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ @muheediva01]

I’m curious who lives in a walkable neighborhood: If someone offered you $1 million and all you had to do was walk out your door, purchase a pack of M&Ms, and make it back home within twenty minutes, all without the use of a car, how many of you would make the money?

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

have always loved this joke about this phenomenon

[nathaniel @nathanielro]

@EvilKeaton This is kinda a problem with most sitcoms. The only sitcom character I can think of who is indicated to have a rich social life outside the main ensemble is, weirdly, Kramer.

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

I’ve never been happier in my life

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

@Sas5o yeah this is it lol. Pretty sure the one I had on my iPod mini was cut off after like, 90 seconds, glad to see full versions exist

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

does anybody else remember that mp3 from limewire that was called “the strokes - run run run (not a velvet underground cover)”

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

this exact same thing happened to me as a small child and my mom was befuddled. I wanted the ice cream truck strawberry shortcake ice cream bar.

[Jamie 📖🩸 @followingmybody]

my daughter kept asking for strawberry shortcake and then when i made it she was like, “….what is that” 😭

what is WHAT 😭 I still can’t figure out what she was actually asking for???

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

@steve__smith__ @rBillSimmonsPod people say this but it’s ahistorical. Ewing missed less than five games in his entire time at Georgetown and he led them to multiple Final Fours including a National Championship.

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

💪

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

@arakkosuperstar superheroes were created by American Jews who brought the folklore and
mythology of the “old country” to America, published in the only medium they weren’t excluded from. Superheroes feel American because they’re distinctly Jewish American.

[Michael @yosoymichael]

Regal only carrying Pepsi products is reason enough to be loyal to AMC. What the fuck am I supposed to do with a Starry?

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

@DJAceNBA Brunson sets his feet and draws an offensive foul, it’s pretty famously a huge part of his game

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

gonna be the funniest milkshake duck of all time when it comes out that guy used AI to come up with the ice cream recipe

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

why are people obsessed with pretending this special wasn’t great

[The okayest poster there is @ok_post_guy]

Remember when everyone pretended that Bo Burnham COVID Netflix movie was some profound work of art

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

The western conference finals run on punk clock

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

@krispursiainen Underrated hilarious thing about this statement from Hammon is “brass taxes”

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

nobody gets me like @eringraye gets me

[Erin 🐆 @eringraye]

@HarryTellsJokes

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

does anyone have that video of Jalen brunson finding out that the Knicks traded for Josh hart

[harry breitner @HarryTellsJokes]

we were at this game and we were faaar from the only Knicks fans.

[Zach Vogt @ZachVogt30]

“They do it in every arena”